Uneasy Lies the Head…

This was pretty bad. It’s, still another, royal movie. That is to say, we know the plot and the characters before we even get to the big city panorama scene that opens almost all Hallmarks. And this one does not have anything noteworthy about it to lift it out of Royal Disaster territory. The only notable thing about it has nothing to do with the movie, but that it marks Jen Lilley’s return to Hallmark after years of banishment while making movies for the “traditional family and faith” oriented GAF channel (certain types of families and certain types of faiths). By all accounts she is thrilled to be back. It’s too bad Hallmark didn’t see fit to throw her a parade instead of saddling her with this bad excuse for a movie. I am not a fan of Jen Lilley. The only actor I was sorry to see leave Hallmark for GAF was Merritt Patterson, and also actually Candace Cameron Bure because as Hallmark’s Queen of Christmas, they usually gave her above average material to work with.

Ruby is a renowned gemologist, this year’s winner of Gemologist Quarterly’s Gemologist Inspirational Gem Award. And yes, I put the movie on pause to read that right off the cover. She is based in New York and has been hired by the Crown Prince of Gullion to restore the family jewels and make them beautiful again for his looming coronation and 700 year old Gullion’s “Centennial”. So things got off to a bad start with me right away. He did not need a Gemologist, whose profession identifies and evaluates gemstones to ensure their authenticity, grade, and value. He needed a jar of jewelry cleaner, a qualified jewelry designer, or the royal jeweler which they actually had on staff. And it is more likely that the settings of the jewels might have needed restoration, not the stones themselves. Unless they have been stored in a vat of acid or in a Junk Yard under a Dumpster somewhere, which they demonstrably have not. 

Ruby has a flat tire on the way to the palace and in order to make her appointment with The Prince, which is happening “right now”, as she tells her Royal Taxi Driver, she decides to walk the rest of the way in her heels dragging a heavy suitcase behind her which she needs for her meeting. Not wanting to wait while the flat tire got fixed. But mysteriously fixed it was, and she is picked up after probably about a mile or so of sweaty walking down the dirt road. But not before she meets the prince anonymously on his royal run and they flirt a lot. Why she doesn’t know what he looks like is a mystery. There are a lot of mysteries in this. Like why the prince is off royally running when he is supposed to be meeting his gemologist. The Prince is played by Dan Jeannotte who has carved out quite a career playing characters of noble blood. It’s his specialty. Also when she gets to the castle palace the Personal Advisor to the Queen takes her to the royal “Game’s Room”, where she will be working, to “freshen up” and not to her bedroom with hopefully an adjoining bathroom where there is hopefully some soap, water, and a comb for her very thick luxuriant hair. 

As for the rest of the plot, it is the normal one. The Prince wants to change things up and make the monarchy more accessible to “the people.” And the queen, along with her mean and bossy “Personal Advisor” is all about tradition and wants to maintain the stodgy status quo. The word “tradition” is uttered even more than the word “gemologist.” Also, the Queen and the Personal Advisor want The Prince to marry someone who is not a jewelry cleaner, excuse me, “gemologist”, from New York, specifically another member of the nobility. That would be Jory, who just happens to be the Personal Advisor’s daughter. Jory, who evidently takes after her father, is not one of those nasty jealous princesslets. She is nice, but her problem is that she is in love with Prince Luca’s general factotum/butler/companion/bodyguard a.k.a. “Head of House” who is also nice. The Prince invites Ruby to the Garden Lighting Festival of (very few) Flowers which, much to the dismay of The Queen and the Personal Advisor, the Prince moved from the Palace Garden to the Town Square, where  The Peasants The People can enjoy it too. Just one of his many planned innovations for Gullion. I would have liked to see how the palace garden got moved to the Town Square, but sadly I was disappointed. As  for the festival,  I’ve seen more spring flowers at a Halloween Party. Doesn’t Hallmark have a ready source for flowers like they have for orange and yellow leaves and pumpkins they get for their Fall Into Love movies? Anyhoo, All proceeds to the happy ending with Prince and Gemologist falling into Insta-love, flirting like mad, while the Queen realizes the error of her ways thanks to some armchair therapy courtesy of Prince Luca. The Personal Advisor is shocked, I tell you shocked, that her daughter has fallen in love with “staff”, but ultimately gives them her blessing. Because Hallmark usually likes villains to be redeemed rather than punished (unfortunately).

Along the way there were two things about this move that sunk it lower than 5 star innocuousness into mediocre territory. First was Ruby’s constant teasing and goading of the guard guarding the crown jewels she was working on. He is meant to be like the guards at Buckingham Palace who have to remain stoic and motionless no matter what while doing their job. And Ruby’s unremitting efforts trying to get him to talk or respond to her was kind of mean and definitely immature. I think it was supposed to be funny and endearing, but I did not find it so. And the topper (pun intended), was the coronation crown that Prince Luca asked Ruby to design. Her lack of qualifications to do so was evident in the finished product which looked like the crown on the Creepy Burger King mascot. See the above poster. Really cheap, dull, and embarrassing. Much like this movie. Jen Lilly, you are not my favorite, but you deserved better than this.