Eat, Drink, and Be Married

Why? What? Huh?

Billie is consulting with an engaged couple, Jess and Max, about their wedding. Jess is being a bit of a control freak in her strive for perfection, and Max could care less. She even has a diagram of the exact dimensions of the flower vases she wants. Right away I’m on Team Max. After the meeting, they decide (rightly) to take a break. When Max’s brother hears about it, he storms into Billie’s place guns a blazing (figuratively). He blames Billie for the breakup because she was the last person the couple talked to. Meanwhile, Billie learns that the beloved old building that her family had had her business in is being sold after being in her family for 3 generations. Which begs the first question. How could her beloved building be sold? Don’t they own it? If not, why not? Did they forget to? Anyway, Charlie enlists Billie to save the wedding, and in return, he will save the building because he’s in real estate. And his Uncle’s company is the one that is going to tear down the building and put up a parking lot (literally). Everything goes as expected from there, including Charlie being unsuccessful in handling his end of the bargain. By the end of this, I was left with more than several nagging questions.

She makes a living how though? Takes old after wedding detritus and gives it to charity? I must have missed something? I guess she’s also a wedding planner? Are weddings the only event that has leftover flowers, decorations, and food? (Might has a problem with the health department there, though) and what charity needs flowers? I’m sure this was addressed, but I missed it, I guess.

What was with that long cheesy speech Charlie made to Billie after she gave him the boot encouraging her to let her true self shine through because she is such a spectacular person and has no reason to be so closed off, insecure, and damaged. Huh? As far as I could see she was a cheerful, confident, successful, very together woman. I was very confused. Was he trying to gaslight her into thinking his “lying and deceit” was her fault?

Why didn’t Charlie help Billie with her presentation to the committee-who-decides-what-buildings-to-protect-from-mean-developers after sending an email giving her the advice to apply for protection? He wasn’t doing anything else after quitting his job. Why not pitch in with a helping hand and get back on her good side?

Why should the committee save her warehouse despite the fact all were in agreement that the place held no historical value due to burning down in 1910? Even Billie? Because Billie loved it and lots of nice things happened there. Sounds like an investigation is in order especially since Jess was on the committee and didn’t recuse herself.

Why did Billie wear a prom/bridesmaid floor-length formal to Jess’s dressy-casual daytime wedding? Oooof.

Lastly, Joceyln Hudon, who played Billie, was cute but was robotic in her line delivery and it caused me to lose focus and interest. I might have even dozed off for a minute. Maybe this is why I didn’t catch all of the subtleties in the plot. I was curious and looked up her resume and sure enough, this is strike two for her, from me. She needs to do better, as do the writers who wrote this thing.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

The Christmas Cure

Nothing to See Here.

This is a very bland story with no real conflict. There are no villains that are fun to root against. Not even a somewhat jerk of a current fiancé that our hero has to compete against. The two leads are likable and it is nice to see Patrick Duffy again. There is nothing spectacularly stupid that happens here (so no joy there, either!). Just a young doctor who decides she prefers a slow-paced small town practice to the fast-paced big city hospital. No mystery, no big reveals, no tough decisions, no struggles, no humor. And the small-town setting vs. The big city has been done to death. It is Christmassy, though. Lots of decorations.**4 stars out of 10**

Rating: 2 out of 5.

July 28, 2017

Baby, It’s Cold Inside

Bait and Switch

I signed up for a Hallmark movie and got an infomercial for the Ice Hotel in Canada. Except the script would have been better in the infomercial. The lead actress, Jocelyn Hudon, droned her part out in a monotone like she couldn’t get the words out fast enough so she could be done with it. Not that I blame her. Meryl Streep couldn’t have created any interest with this lifeless script. She was pretty, blonde, and boring. Her main personality trait was being cutely clumsy. I’ve liked Steve Lund in other parts, so I’ll just move on.

This travelogue consisted of jumping from one cold-weather activity to another. Baking authentic Nordic food, sliding down ice slides, hot-tubbing, touring the hotel, snowshoeing, glass-blowing, maple syrup making, and northern lights viewing. After about an hour of this frantic activity, the heroine actually asks the hotel owner what there is to do in the area. I kid you not. The most exciting thing that happened was the influential hotel reviewer got a maple syrup pop stuck on his hat. There was a bit at the end where the dead-eyed jealous hotel manager (who actually was pretty scary with her coiled hostility masked by her friendly courtesy) said some mean things to our heroine and briefly scared her off the trail of a new career path and a cute boyfriend. But by that time it was too late. Thanks to that hotel hat guy (who reappeared in one of the strangest caps unless you were impersonating an Army Ranger, ever) disaster was averted.

This is the second Hallmark movie starring the Ice Hotel. I think an investigation is in order. **2 stars out of 10**

May 13, 2021