Andrew Walker

Kentucky Roses

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Ups and Downs

What we have here is somewhat of a dual time line plot, but not really. The main event is definitely the present day story set around the Kentucky Derby. Certainly one of the most timely Hallmark movies ever. I mean, day of, and only an hour later than the actual event. Hallmark movies always premiere on Saturday which is always the day The Run for the Roses is held.  The upset winner of the real race this year, Golden Tempo, was the first horse trained by a woman to win the Derby. In a remarkable coincidence, the secondary story line in this one involved our heroine’s best friend, a woman who is training one of the contenders, also an over 20 to 1 long shot. No spoilers here. Back to the movie.

The movie opens in muted colors because this is the part that is set back in the olden days of the 1930s. It is the story of the present day couple’s forebears: a great grandmother and a great uncle, Gloria (Gigi) and Charlie (Lefty). This is a little mixed up generation-wise and I was confused. He is the son of the rich owners of a horse farm near Louisville and she is a greenhouse worker. He wants to be a builder and go to New York to build skyscrapers and she also wants to pursue her dreams there. He gives her an expensive necklace and proposes marriage with his grandmother’s wedding ring. She accepts the ring, and reluctantly accepts the expensive necklace. Predictably and unfortunately, his parents oppose the match and “force” him to take another girl of his own class to a fancy ball.  Gloria reads about it in the paper and she breaks up with him, returning his ring, but he refuses to take the necklace back. He is also forced to give up his dream of being a builder in NYC and has to take over the horse farm and somehow is instrumental in establishing “Churchill Downs.” Lots of spurious history in this one, and I admit I was a little fuzzy about some points. The story passed down in his family is how poor Charlie almost got caught by a gold digger who all but stole an expensive necklace and other gifts and money from the family.  Great grandmother Gloria goes on to help establish the big important greenhouse at Churchill Downs. And you can bet the vicious lies  about her being a greedy seductress are going to figure pretty heavily in the inevitable “Big Misunderstanding” between Ash and Sadie.

Reliable Andrew Walker plays Ash, the son of the CEO of Churchill Downs, who unlike his great uncle, had the backbone to defy his father and become an architect and builder specializing in helping Non-Profit community projects. Or,  as his father calls them, “do-gooders” with a sniff and a sneer.  Newcomer Odette Annable plays Sadie who works part time for her mother, who runs the aforementioned greenhouse, while pursuing her dream of being a florist by working in an elite flower shop owned by a really difficult woman. A storm has damaged one of the spires of Churchill Downs, and dear old dad calls his son to come fix it. Ash is not inclined to accept the job because he is really busy and important in his own right. But his nice mother wants him to because it is an opportunity to ease the estrangement between her husband and her son. Sadie and Ash, both tending to their individual projects, meet on the grounds of Churchill Downs at night and the romance begins. Meanwhile, Sadie, who is struggling under the thumb of her terrifying boss, agrees to provide the flower arrangements for her pregnant best friend/horse trainer’s baby shower. Ash’s mother sees her work and, impressed, asks her to step in to provide the emergency arrangements for a prestigious fundraiser she is holding and, flattered, Sadie agrees. Ash’s mom then specifies that red roses must be present, which is impossible because, Hello!, all of the red roses have already been spoken for because of the Derby.  Sadie’s boss is irate and wants nothing to do with getting mixed up with such a high profile affair that is sure to fail, and threatens to fire Sadie. Sadie is on her own and Ash offers to help because his family’s land has a lot of wildflowers including some kind of rare red climbing Prairie Roses. Score! It is at this point that Sadie finds out that Ash, who goes by another name,  is the scion of the famous and important Reed family. This leads to a big fight because he wasn’t honest about his identity and it’s inappropriate for her to make flower arrangements with flowers that were picked from the client’s own field. I could see how that would be a little awkward, but the crisis is averted to make way for the big crisis:  The red roses for the famous Garland of Roses that is draped over the Kentucky Derby winner are stuck in South America! 

Needless to say, Sadie and social media save the day. It’s a Hallmark, so I won’t be spoiling things by divulging that the reputation of Sadie’s great grandmother is restored, the spire is fixed with tiles that will pass inspection with the historical committee, Ash and his Dad repair their relationship, Sadie is well on her way to being a florist under her own banner, and a certain horse wins The Kentucky Derby. This was all pretty standard stuff, plot wise and romance wise. I will say that Odette Annable, as Sadie, was a find, and I hope to see more of her. She and Andrew certainly got the memo about making the final Hallmark kisses more…”interesting.” The behind the scenes peeks of the Derby Week celebrations were nice if probably mostly fictional, going by the fast and loose treatment of the historical facts regarding the race track and The Garland of Roses. At least the setting was authentic, filmed right there at Churchill Downs. It was certainly much better then last years Kentucky Derby movie which was really really phony. It also managed to avoid my least favorite bone-tired Hallmark paradigms. And that was a welcome relief after many of  the recent movies.

Rating: 7 out of 10.

She’s Making a List

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Coal-Worthy

It’s not that I didn’t understand this movie, it’s that so many little things did not make sense. And it was boring. I really had high hopes for it. The premise was cute and different, and it starred two of Hallmark’s biggest and most popular stars: Lacey Chabert and Andrew Walker. I would have thought they would have given them a better script. And I don’t know much about direction, I just know when it’s good, but things were said or implied that I didn’t see on screen. Then at the end, the plot just went off into La-La Land, and by that I don’t mean Los Angeles.

In a nut shell, here is the plot. The naughty or nice list is real. But Santa’s elves have long since been relieved of the huge responsibility of deciding whether the children of the world get presents or coal in their stockings. That  job has been sourced to Naughty or Nice, Inc. who uses modern technology and algorithms to separate the good, the bad, and the in-between. They have a huge fancy office building in a big city so the whole company and its mission is right out there on Front Street. The algorithm is adequate for most kids, but some kids are on the line between naughty and nice. And that is where the human inspectors come in. Isabel (Chabert) is one of the best and up for a big promotion. The inspectors are dispersed throughout the Santa Claus believing world assigned to take a closer in-person look at the actions and behavior of these fence-straddling kids. They are armed with a huge guide book detailing, among other things, the rules of engagement in order to make the final determination of coal or presents for Christmas. And no one knows the rule book better or follows it more closely than Isabel. Sounds cute, right? And I am the last person to turn my nose up at a little whimsey. The production values were good, there were some clever and cute lines and concepts, and Lacey Chabert and Andrew Walker are always competent at the very least. But it ended up in a muddle that could have been done much better. And easily fixed.

The first case has Isabel scrutinizing two little boys playing with a ball. One dares the other to throw the ball as high as he can and when he does it breaks a car tail light when it lands (somehow?). It was just an accident, but the one kid runs away and the other struggles with his conscience and then runs away. Lacey writes down “Mischief, Destruction, and Evasion”. Both the boys are judged “Naughty.” Case Closed. No presents. One of the messages this movie seems to be trying to convey is about digging deeper past the surface actions before putting a label on a child. Wouldn’t it have been more effective if the kid would have changed his mind and taken responsibility for his actions but after Lacey had left the scene of the crime? Or some other extenuating circumstances?

The next case is a boy named Teddy who is apparently planting seedlings (In December?) with his classmates. He sprays bleach on everyone’s plants except his own! Why? Were they in some kind of plant competition? Why would a kid be so malicious? It’s never made clear. Isabel’s assistant thinks that he meant to spray fertilizer, not bleach. But if that’s true, why would he not fertilize his own plant? Isobel later claims it was the only bottle of bleach in a row of fertilizer bottles so it must have been a mistake. Which is clearly what the viewer is supposed to believe. But the frame showing the bottles clearly shows that is not true.  And why would bottles of bleach be right next to fertilizer in a children’s garden in the first place? And he was definitely acting guilty and sneaky. Making mountains out of mole hills? Maybe. But it was disengaging and distracting for no reason. Nothing about it made sense. If he was spraying bleach on innocent little baby plants that is more than just mischievous, it is very concerning behavior. The lesson of not jumping to conclusions about kids’ motivations was confused and murky.

Those two cases are just prologue to Isabel’s main case of Charlie, played by Cadence Compton, who was fantastic. 11-year-old Charlie is an amateur magician we first see making a little kid’s $20 bill “disappear.” Basically she steals it from him. And the other older kids are so impressed that they start waving their money at her so she can make all their money “disappear” too. What the Hell. As far as we see, she never gives them their money back, and the kids never report her to the authorities either. Again what would have served the moral of the story was her giving their money back when judgmental Isabelle wasn’t looking. Or maybe using the money to buy a warm coat for a homeless kid, or do some other good deed. No, what she did was more than just “naughty.” She does other bad stuff too. But since Isabel is now dating her handsome father Jason (very much against the rules but she couldn’t care less all of a sudden), she starts looking to make an exception for Charlie and protect her from getting coal instead of presents. Because you see, Charlie’s mother died last year, so all is forgiven and excused. Plus she picks up litter. We find out later that when she did get coal for Christmas last year, her Dad secretly replaced it with real presents anyway. I’m like, “Maybe a little coal in her stocking would have done her a lot of good!” Isabel is breaking all the rules when it comes to this one girl because of her crush on Charlie’s father. It just wasn’t right or fair to all the other gray-area kids. Not that Charlie was actually that “gray area” in my opinion. But let’s just overlook Isabel’s shady behavior. I mean it’s Lacey Chabert after all.

I won’t go on with other examples of badly presented and mixed messages, but trust me. Isabel gets closer to Jason, finds out she has been doing more harm than good in putting kids on the “Naughty List,” and Charlie is miraculously transformed from bad girl to good girl at the drop of a hat. As it turns out, next year Isabelle’s boss (Steve Bacic) is going to take the whole human element out of labeling the children of the world and rely strictly on the algorithm. There will no longer be any excuses or human input. A now wiser Isabelle is so upset by this, that she quits and then decides to visit the top man, Santa Claus, along with Charlie and Jason to plead her case: No child is ever really naughty, they are just trying to find their way in the complicated adult world. No comment. But it all ends in a happy ending with a world free of coal, naughty lists, and children not being held accountable for their actions. I’m sorry, but this is a 5 in my book.

Rating: 5 out of 10.

Three Wisest Men

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“Nothing like a trilogy to make people happy.”

It is the Christmas after the last movie and two of the three brothers have not shown much of the hoped for growth and wisdom which we are promised by the end of the second film. But there is some progress! 

The “worst” brother, Taylor (Tyler Hynes), has flourished in his career and is being offered a partnership in a successful tech company in Silicon Valley. But we know by his perpetually pained expression (a Tyler Hynes trademark) while the head honcho is offering him the moon and stars to come on board, that he still has “issues”. Taking the fabulous opportunity would involve moving out of state and out of his mother’s (huge and luxurious) basement.  But there is hope. He is still with new girlfriend Caroline, “the love of his life,” who was such a bright spot and force for good in the second movie. The actress, Erin Kurpluk’s, star has not dimmed in this one.

Stephan (Paul Campbell) and Susie are planning their wedding, but he still lives in his Mom’s guest house in her backyard. This is a magic guest house. It morphs from small and sort of modest to ginormous and luxurious from one scene to another. Unless there are two “guesthouses” in her backyard. This kind of lack of attention to detail that Hallmark is famous for does not have any affect on plot or character but it is very distracting. As is the borderline weird product placement. Stephan’s wedding plans are not going well thanks to his skittish behavior and shilly-shallying over decisions. Also his prospective father-in-law is visiting for Christmas and they do not get along.

 Luke (Andrew Walker), the third brother is just fine, if a little tense, being the fire chief, the father to Thomas, the titular child of the first 2 movies, and husband to his pregnant-with-twins wife. He’s nervous about his impending fatherhood, which a very ranty and unpleasant birth coach in the first scene did not help. She needed to go back to birth-coaching school.

To get the ball rolling, the boys learn their mother Barbara a.k.a. “Gigi” (Margaret Colin) is selling her huge house which not only throws Stephan and Taylor’s living arrangements into disarray but spurs the boys to make this Christmas, their last in the childhood home, “The Best Christmas Ever.” Thus, the lion’s share of the time remaining is devoted to a rather random string of over the top hijinks, shenanigans, and frenzied activity/disasters which added nothing to the actual story (was there one?) and provided all too few chuckles, unfortunately. 

However. There were a few high spots that kept the movie in watchable territory. The well-written dialogue (by Campbell and Sustad) flows smoothly thanks to the rapport of the actors playing the three brothers. Jerry, the talking cockatiel, was pretty funny, and I liked the callbacks to the previous two movies: Mr. B of the Christmas Pageant, Mark Laclark, and Kimberley Sustad’s cameo as the wry local doctor, for 3. Even Fiona (Ali Liebert, yay), Taylor’s girlfriend in the first movie, pops up in a pivotal role. At first I thought they had forgotten about Roy, Gigi’s new boyfriend in the second movie, but his mysterious absence is finally mentioned (I may have missed something) and he returns in a climactic scene. I liked Roy. There is a heartwarming scene or two where Taylor acknowledges his fear of change, and Stephan finally makes it all better with Susie. Best of all, her rude Dad gets told off by a disgusted Gigi very satisfactorily and he is suitably abashed and apologizes. At the end, the trilogy is wrapped up with the two problematic brothers making mature decisions about their future, and Luke welcoming twin daughters to the fold. This ended up being a good wrap up of the trilogy. As Dr. Kimberley Sustad says, “3 is the magic number.” And enough is enough.

Rating: 7 out of 10.

Adventures in Love & Birding

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Love Birds

Back to the Hallmark saltmines (I kid) after a three week hiatus while The Groomsmen trilogy was being shown instead of new premieres. I had already seen them thanks to a free trial of Hallmark+. They weren’t horrible or anything, but not particularly memorable either and I had no desire to see them again for reviewing purposes. 

This seemed like it could be a promising back to business movie as it paired two longtime Hallmark veterans for the very first time in a Hallmark (which was hard to believe). Predictably, they were very good together in this first of the “Fall Into Love” grouping. Only a few weeks until “Countdown to Christmas!” Yikes!  Rachel Boston was her usual very very animated self and Andrew Walker was Andrew Walker, which is a pretty good thing. It was about the hobby of birding which was different. They were age appropriate for their roles which caused the movie not to lose 1 (or sometimes 2) stars in my 1 to 10 star rating scale.

Rachel plays Celeste who was recently dumped by her husband of 22 years. She is fine though, other than the usual busybody friends who are trying to set her up with various men and are constantly hounding her to “get back out there” when all she wants to do is reorganize the garage. She is also a little verklempt because her high school senior daughter will be going away to college soon. She wants to spend more time with her but her daughter has her own busy life. Actually, her daughter is trying to distance herself a little to prepare for the wrench of leaving her home and Mom. Also she is nursing some doubts about going to college right away, but we don’t know that yet. Andrew plays John who was recently dumped by his long time girlfriend and birding partner. He quit pursuing his doctorate and left teaching for an office job which pissed her off. He likes the outdoors and wants to start his own birding guide business. (Add this one to the Hallmark Dubious Business list.) Celeste is recruited by a mutual friend to be John’s birding partner in the annual NorCal Ornithological Society’s Bird-a-Thon. And Celeste gets the idea that she is supposed to pretend like she is his fake girlfriend as well as mutual birding enthusiast to show up the cheating competitive b**ch who is also participating. She is mistaken in this extra assignment, which leads to an amusing first meeting with John in front of his Ex and her new partner/boyfriend. The stakes are a lot higher this year because a corporate sponsor has put up prize money to the tune of “5 figures”. So if he wins it, the 10,000 to 99,999 dollar prize (I’m guessing closer to the lower figure) will decide John’s path in life: risk going into the Bird guide business or staying on the corporate fast track at the office. By the way, the number of different birds each couple count in the 3 week long contest (the highest count wins), is run on the honor system. That seemed very naive to me especially this year since money was involved. They couldn’t take a picture of the birds they spot? Just to keep honest people honest? Sounds like Bad Business to me.

Anyway, bird montages and romance ensue. Besides the birding, Celeste and John also attend some outside functions together and the relationship building was good. Extra points for a rare mid-movie uninterrupted kiss. Rachel and Andrew had an easy rapport and really played well together. The secondary story of Celeste and her daughter Morgan’s changing relationship and Morgan’s doubts about her future played well also. I even had a little sniffle at  the end. Speaking of Morgan, the actress who played her, Talisa Mae Stewart looked awfully familiar. It turns out she is a dead ringer for similarly named Taissa Farmiga who played Gladys in The Gilded Age.

Talisa
Taisa

 

So that was pretty interesting. The last minute temporary break up was dumb as usual but at least it didn’t involve hearing one half of a private conversation while eavesdropping and totally getting everything ass-backwards. All in All, lots more good than bad. A respectable but unspectacular “7”.

Rating: 7 out of 10.

The Reluctant Royal

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Royal Romance, Chapter One Billion. But Wait.

**Spoilers. In name only.**

This movie is about a blue collar Pittsburgh mechanic who is discovered to be the forgotten heir of a dukedom in England (real country!) and is reluctantly talked into meeting the duke, his father, and possibly claiming his lands, title, and the aristocratic girl. 

Of the dozens and dozens (and more dozens, including TV romances on other channels) of royal romance movies that Hallmark has produced in recent years only two have featured a commoner guy and an aristocratic girl. It’s usually a princely type guy and a commoner girl. The only ones I could dig up were Royal Runaway Romance and Once Upon a Holiday. And those were about the princesses coming to America, The Land of Commoners, to find love with their regular guys. So this is, dare I say, a unique take? At least for Hallmark?  I can’t be the only one who finds the Low guy/High girl romance trope appealing. Why is it so rare? I will leave the question for sociologists and cinematic and literary history buffs to figure out.  But it’s interesting. In fact, the only other similar movie I can think of, of any sort other than this, is 1991’s King Ralph with John Goodman and Peter O’Toole. And even that one had the low guy ending up with the low girl. I don’t count the classic Roman Holiday because that one did not have a happy ending.

Other than the role reversal aspect, this one followed the planogram for Hallmark royal romances to a “T”.  Hallmark institution Andrew Walker plays Johnny Payne, whose mother, a former nightclub singer married “Billy” who turned out to be a runaway royal duke. Billy’s father successfully pressured him back to England in the name of duty, and the marriage was annulled, Billy not knowing about Dottie’s pregnancy. Shades of Amanda Bynes’ What Every Girl Wants! In the present day, Duke William’s ward and loyal advisor (former regular girl Prudence) discovers the existence of Johnny and goes to America to bring him back. A good judge of character, she wants to prevent the mother of all dickheads, Alistair, from inheriting the dukedom and being mean to the servants and villagers. Johnny agrees to go in order to meet the bad dad who abandoned him and his mother and give him a piece of his mind. He ends up bonding with Prudence, all of the servants and sundry other low-borns on the estate and in the pubs, and finally Dear Old Dad, over the restoration of a Triumph GT-6. Of course, the estate is in financial hot water, as all English estates are, and he fixes that too. All the while tangling with and triumphing over Awful Alistair (and his mother). Disaster looms when Alistair sneakily finds out that Johnny’s mom had the marriage annulled before Johnny was born, thus throwing his heirship into jeopardy. 

All is settled happily in a flurry of discoveries, featuring a forged signature and old stolen letters. A first class plane ticket for Dottie, Johnny’s mom, is not far behind, as well as a delightful final reveal. Despite the utter predictability and eye-rollingly cringe moments here and there, this was a rather fun and light-hearted little diversion which I choose not to judge too harshly. I particularly enjoyed Emilie de Ravin’s Prudence, and Simon Coury as Duke William who started out sad and tired but was revitalized by meeting his long lost son. Fiach Kunz as Alistair was very hateful and Andrew Walker attractive and reliable as ever as Johnny. Actually, I did remember a similar Low guy/High girl dynamic in a Hallmark movie. Not surprisingly, it’s one of my all time favorites, Midnight Masquerade, a role-reversal modern take on Cinderella. And it may be time for another look at King Ralph.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10.

Three Wiser Men and a Boy

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Christmas is Saved!

It’s 5 years later, and we’re back with the three Brenner boys. On the surface, everything seems fine. Luke is married to Thomas’s mother Sophie and being a Dad. Thomas was the baby in Three Wise Men and a Baby who was foisted on the three brothers by a complete stranger to temporarily take care of. Which they did, and by doing so managed to heal a breach that had developed between them, learned to appreciate how great their mother was, and grew up a good bit themselves. Thomas’s mother, I’m happy to report, is now gainfully employed and being a success at her job. She is going to some kind of work conference and Luke is going to be taking care of Thomas on his own while she is away. Stephan, former pet psychologist, has now written a self help book for humans about conquering his own crippling anxiety. He is still seeing Susie, whom he got together with at the end of the previous movie. When we first see Taylor, he is pitching the new video game he has created to an investor on a video call in what appears to be an office in his own company.

But all is not what it seems. To make a long story short they still have a lot of work to do on themselves. Especially Stephan and Taylor. Luke, who has been promoted to Fire Chief,  still pretty much has it all together although he is as tightly wound as ever. He has dropped some balls at work and at home but that’s parenthood for you, right? The corporate representative that Taylor is pitching his game to wants to buy the game for a large amount of money, not invest in it. Taylor refuses his offer because he views it as selling out. After the call, we see that Taylor is using a coffee shop as a front for an office and he and his props are kicked out. He goes home to his apartment and is met with an eviction notice for not paying his rent. Stephan has been neglecting Susie in favor of promoting his aforementioned book and their relationship is showing some cracks. As does his new calm and collected facade. Susie wants to get married like a grownup and Stephan is oblivious. Taylor, due to his being homeless, suggests that all three of them move back in with Mom as a Christmas treat for her and so they all can take care of Thomas while his mother is away. Of course we know that many challenges are on their way and by the end they will result in “the boys” getting back on the right track once again.

Since they have the parent and uncle thing pretty much nailed now, the challenges come in the form of Mom’s new boyfriend and them taking charge of Thomas’s school Christmas pageant. While visiting a rehearsal, they had accidentally destroyed all of the sets and props and served the children “poison” cookies so half of the kids quit, along with the director. Mom’s new boyfriend, who is a pastor and pretty much the perfect man and in all ways worthy of their wonderful mother, is very much resented by the boys and is not exactly welcomed with open arms into their Mom’s life. Taking charge of the pageant does not go well as all of the kids who had any talent are gone, and the boys think the whole thing has to be rewritten. They are determined not to let this pageant be a disaster that will scar the kids’ lives forever, but true to form, they screw it up even worse by calling in “the big guns,” Mark LeClark,  the Christmas decorating champion from the previous movie. He is all about Christmas glitz, giant inflatables, smoke machines, and disco lights. In short, everything not in line with the true spirit of Christmas. After the set burns down thanks to a blowtorch and an overloaded circuit board (way to go there Mr. Fire Chief-maybe not so together after all), they finally listen to the advice that all the adults in the room have been trying to tell them and go back to the original simple plan. The pageant is a success and, to borrow a line from the show, “Christmas is Saved!” The play is called “The Grump Who Ruined Christmas” to avoid copyright infringement which was a humorous touch.

Besides this basic plot, there was a lot more going on in this movie, including Taylor finding  romance with one of the volunteers. She is described as female version of himself including a predilection for constantly sucking on a candy cane. Only she is a much better more mature version of him and he learns a lot from her. The character and the actress were real bright spots, and it was an very clever idea for the love interest. She was funny and my favorite character even though she replaced Ali Leibert as Taylor’s girlfriend. There are a lot of pep talks in this. The “boys” give a lot of them and get a lot of them. They also get told off a lot by virtually everybody at least once, even Mark LeClark. At first I really wasn’t feeling this movie, as the growth we thought we saw in the brothers at the end of the first movie seemed to be more of a one step forward but two steps back situation. A lot of it was a rehashing, but the script was funny. Not really in a laugh-out-loud way but with clever lines and terrific visual comedy. So, well written (by Kimberley Sustad and Paul Campbell) and directed. Cute cameo appearance by Ms Sustad, btw. The obligatory heartwarming scenes were there of course, but I could have done with one or two less of those. No complaints about the acting of the three co-leads or the supporting characters, even the kids. Everyone was great, but Paul Campbell was a stand out as always. The true meaning of Christmas was learned once again. I hope we don’t have to learn it a third time because there just might be a third movie next year as the door was left open just a crack. Can we see some real steps forward with no backward ones? Can they be men and not boys? And can we keep Taylor’s girlfriend next time around? (If there is a next time.)

Rating: 7.5 out of 10.

Jingle Bell Run

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Candy Canes and Cruciverbalism for the Win.

Besides starring two of their most popular and high profile leads in this “fun-type” Hallmark, This one did not have a lot to offer other than a tepid romance and high jinks. And I am not a fan of high jinks.

Avery, played by vivacious Ashley Williams is an elementary school teacher whose life, in her sister’s opinion, is too boring. Also, I think there is some mention of a recent romantic heartbreak situation. Or I could be mixing this one up with every other Hallmark ever made. Since she and the rest of her family are going away for Christmas, she has signed Avery up for “The Great Holiday Dash,” a national TV show where the chosen contestants are paired off and compete with the other couples in a series of games in cities across the country. The last couple standing wins a million dollars each. Avery is paired off with hunky Wes, a recently retired Hockey Player played by Andrew Walker. She being the brains and he being the brawn. We know he’s not the brains because he tries to argue 2 of the other contestants out of their airplane seats E and F on the way to Boston, their first location, because his and Avery’s tickets says C and D. And, according to Wes, Cs and Ds look like Es and Fs. At first I thought this might be a learning disability situation which might have been interesting. But No.

I will say that the script had some cute lines and humorous banter in the beginning while the two were at odds. But as they start to be a team and fall in love, it starts to get boring and repetitive. They get to know the hopes and dreams, and in one case, the tragic past, of the individuals on 2 of the other teams, which is how we know which of the 8 or so teams will be the final ones to be eliminated. As for Wes and Avery, we find out that Wes is vaguely estranged from his brother and his family, and Avery was a shy kid whose teacher let her spend her recesses in the library reading books. And now she loves being a school teacher where she too can help shy bookworms avoid recess.

Unfortunately, once again this year, Hallmark has shoehorned two of their most beloved and seasoned stars into scripts that are not age appropriate. I really thought they had gotten away from that, but it seems like sometimes they just can’t resist. It’s not that people in their mid forties couldn’t do well in such a race, but the games once they got to their destinations seemed too silly and a few, downright awkward. Maybe I’m just a stick in the mud. How do I know this script was meant for a more youthful cast? 45 year old Andrew Walker’s character retired last year and is struggling to find what he wants to do with the rest of his life. When Avery asks him why he retired, he tells her that when a Hockey player gets to age 30, it starts to take a toll on his body. So probably 31 or 32, scriptwise? A case could possibly be made for 35 at the oldest. It was kind of weird, because he could have said 37 or 38 instead of 30. And as attractive as Ashley Williams usually is, she is no 35 year old.

I was very disappointed that the last minute bust up happened due to the ol’ overheard conversation where the eavesdropper leaves before the whole story comes out trope. That dropped it a whole star. It had to do with some skullduggery on the part of the producer to increase viewership. Wes was complicit, until he wasn’t. No points for guessing what the scheme this entailed. I won’t say which couple wins the 2 million dollars, but be assured that no couple leaves devastated and with their dreams crushed.

Rating: 6 out of 10.

For Love & Honey

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No Maltese Cats or Falcons, but Lots and Lots of Bees

Ignore the plot, if you can find it. This one’s about the Isle of Malta and Andrew Walker’s new Glasses, Beard, and Biceps. Yes, it’s one of the Destination Hallmarks where the setting takes center stage. And this one has an extra bonus of also being about Bees and Honey which I find fascinating. So between doing a pretty deep dive into beautiful and history-rich Malta, apiaries, and the honey that Malta has been famous for since ancient times, I was sufficiently entertained and educated. I never knew that Malta was famous for it’s honey before watching this movie…So there you are!

Andrew plays an Archeologist and Professor who is in Malta teaching and in hot pursuit of a project that will get him funding and tenure from a university somewhere in Michigan (my old stomping grounds). He meets Eva who has inherited her mother’s apiary which has been in her family for generations. They are thrown together when Eva is trying to save a wild bee hive which has attached itself to the side of a building where bee and honey-averse Andrew has been researching an old diary of a Jesuit Priest. The priest, who came to Michigan in the 1600s, wrote of “The Golden Road” and the diary has a picture of a box in it which seems important. While taking the hive down, they unwittingly reveal an ancient fresco right there in the middle of town. It takes them about a minute to chip off all the ancient paint and plaster. The fresco is in 3 parts. It features a tower, another couple of buildings, and a field or a map. So the apiculturist and the archeologist take to the road sleuthing out it’s meaning.  And thus it is that we are treated to the grand tour of gorgeous Malta and the romance part.

When Andrew comes down to the deadline for submitting his proposal, Eva meets her beloved old Uncle(?) Grandfather(?) sitting in the sun who casually starts talking about the honey road or golden road that is famous in Maltese history. It seems the ancient Maltese would carry honey from the apiary to the storage buildings, stopping at a farm field to bless the harvest, and then ship the honey out across Europe. Sounds like that fresco. ”How did I not know this!”, Eva cries. Now that is a mystery indeed, Eva, great lifelong beekeeper and honey expert that you are. I guess you must have been sticking your fingers in her ears and chanting  LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA whenever the subject came up in school or when sitting at your mother’s knee. She takes Andrew to the field depicted in the fresco (which her mother used to take her to all the time since she was a child) and there is a pile of rocks in the middle of the ruin with bees going in and out. There is something under the rocks! Andrew, revealing some truly impressive biceps for an otherwise medium-sized guy, moves the rocks which have remain untouched for centuries, and there is an ancient storehouse with honey still in the crocks! And also other ancient stuff and the real-life box from the diary! Well dang! Anyway it all ties in to the Jesuit Priest who, it turns out, took the Maltese bees to Michigan in that box. And Eva knew what that box was all the time! It’s a bee box, used for transporting bees! Wonder why she didn’t say something earlier. And thanks to the bees from Malta, Michigan flourished.

Thank goodness we don’t watch Hallmark for an accurate depiction of how Archeology works. I’m done being driven crazy by all the wild leaps from reality Hallmark takes when portraying such things.  So the “golden road” was not about pirate treasure but liquid gold: Honey. I knew that from the very beginning, and I bet you did too.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10.

Christmas Island

/ Rebekahrox / 4 Comments

I Do Love a Christmas Tree Made out of Lobster Traps.

This one started off great. I am quickly becoming a huge fan of Rachel Skarsten, and of course, Andrew Walker is always welcome as the romantic interest. Rachel plays Kate, a commercial airline pilot. She was perfectly cast and totally believable in the role as she does “professional, respected, and successful” so well. However, her character is stuck on boring regional domestic assignments and her dream job is as a private pilot for corporations and the rich and famous. She snags an opportunity to fly the Sharpe family to Switzerland for Christmas with the opportunity to turn it into a permanent position if things go smoothly and the Sharpes like her.

In the first few minutes, we see that the Sharpe parents and their two children, a teenage girl and a young son,  are desperately in need of a Christmas reset as they have gotten very much off track. The parents run a famous and successful lifestyle empire (think Chip and Joanna Gaines) which has taken first priority over their children. Predictably, Callie, their daughter is glued to her phone (as are her parents, for that matter), spoiled, and resentful. Their little boy Finn is just lonely. They have forgotten how to be a family.

As Kate is about to start across the Atlantic, she is forced to land in Nova Scotia due to stormy and dangerous weather. But not before she tangles with a grouchy Air Traffic Controller, Andrew Walker, who does not appreciate Kate’s attitude. Kate and the family end up in his hometown on Christmas Island, the nearest community to the airport they are forced to land at. And as you might guess, it is far far from the fancy sophisticated milieus the Sharpes are used to. And ever since her father died on Christmas Eve, Kate avoids the holiday, and as you also just might guess, Christmas Island is all about Christmas. Anxious to please Kate takes the kids in hand so the parents can get on with running their empire. But this is Hallmark so the stage is set for a lost family to do the hard work of finding their way back to familyhood and for Kate and Andrew to make their way from enemies to lovers. I was looking forward to some drama, suspense, revelations, and maybe a bit of turmoil as the parents learned how to be parents again culminating in a touching and heartwarming scene or two. And maybe seeing a little of the same from the romance.

Unfortunately, everything got on the right track far too soon for my taste. It wasn’t long at all before the parents saw the error of their ways parenthood-wise and started to get back to the homespun roots of what started their company to begin with. And Andrew goes from grumpy and sarcastic to a jolly Christmas elf (literally) falling in love with equally mushy Kate in record time. It’s just a big giant flirt-fest well before the halfway point. All great for the Christmas cheer, but I like a little tartness with my sweet. The movie was still good: well-written and well-acted with some good scenes. I loved the authentic-seeming setting and traditions of the lobster fishing community. It also managed to avoid what could have been a dangerous pitfall near the end, which would have all but ruined the movie for me. **spoiler**

<<Andrew does not lie about the weather clearing up just to keep Kate and company on the island, thank God.>>

But the romance, plot, and character arcs just did not fulfill the potential that I felt was promised in the initial setup. It was all too easy and therefore not as engaging or interesting as it could have been.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10.

A Safari Romance

/ Rebekahrox / 2 Comments

Droned On and On

**Spoilers**

This totally by-the-books bland plot had nothing going for it at all except that it was filmed on location in South Africa. It had great photography and Nature scenes, but we already knew this from the previews. I can only surmise from the lack of spark in the script or the romance that Andrew signed on to this one for the trip to Africa. There wasn’t even a big misunderstanding coming out of nowhere for no reason 15 minutes to the end to make fun of. It was like the powers that be did not want anything interesting to distract from the cool setting.

Andrew is a successful and sought-after theme park designer who lands on Brittany’s turf to film and experience the atmosphere and wildlife of Africa to insure the new African theme park he is designing is as authentic as possible. Brittany is a Ph.D. candidate who is also working as a park ranger. As soon as they meet, they get along great and really like and admire each other. On their trips into the wild, they bond and have a great time. Andrew is surprised and disappointed to learn that using a drone on the preserve is illegal due to it being a tool of poachers. But he’s cool with it. Meanwhile, his assistant photographer is having a little flirtation with Brittany’s assistant. They all have a lot of fun together drinking wine, doing parties, shopping at markets, and doing safari-stuff. They are always on their best behavior with no unpleasantness. Andrew and Brittany almost kiss, but they are interrupted by a leopard jumping on their Jeep. We know they are not in any danger, though, because they laugh and smile. No more kisses, though, until the end.

 An old girlfriend of Andrew’s shows up and it turns out she is now his boss since her Daddy bought the company Andrew has contracted with. Needless to say, she is not nice and entices Andrew’s assistant to use a drone. But again, nothing much comes of it as Andrew has her number from the get-go and there is not even a whisper of a chance that she will be able to entice him away from wholesome, smiley, and smart Brittany. It was all really boring. The whole vibe between the two supposed lovers was very friendly and fun. I didn’t sense any tension, deep feelings, or passion between them. There was some drone drama but it was resolved pretty quickly and painlessly. They part at the end agreeing that their careers and dreams preclude a long-term relationship. Two months later  Andrew shows up and surprises her with a creative IMAX-type video guaranteed to knock the doctoral dissertation (which Brittany persists in calling a “thesis”, poor kid) committee dead. He now owns his own company and can now work anywhere she goes, so now they can continue their relationship. They kiss. One month later she defends her dissertation to the panel to cheers and applause, so I assume she passed since they didn’t ask her any questions. Plus, her mom is there and Andrew kisses her at the end. Pretty sure this is not the way these doctoral defenses go, but hey, it’s Hallmark.

Rating: 5 out of 10.