Holiday Crashers

Lying Liars from Lieville. But No Judgement.

**Spoilers**

Lifelong BFFs, Toni and Bri, work together in an invitation and card shop. Bri is the wild fun loving madcap one-always up for a lark but kind of aimless. Toni graduated at the top of her class from “Haltword”, a top Ivy League law school wink wink, but had a panic attack while taking the bar so is not a lawyer. She is working at the shop while trying to figure out her path forward. She is the daughter of one of those lawyers who promote themselves with those nerve-jangling TV ads and paste their faces on billboards and buses. She loves her Dad very much but she has always been embarrassed by his brand of ambulance-chasing injury lawyering and the way he drums up business. It’s not that she doesn’t love the law, but is afraid ending up like her father. He, of course, wants her to partner with him, but she is reluctant because in sophisticated circles he is somewhat of a joke.  So, in her mid-twenties, she is “taking a pause” and trying to figure it all out.

While delivering boxes of party invitations to a wealthy matron during another party she is throwing, Bri gets the the idea of pretending to be a guest for a laugh and drags Toni into the adventure against her better judgement. They both have a great time (Toni may have her feet on the ground but that doesn’t mean she is a stick in the mud). Toni meets Justin, an attractive guest and there is instant attraction between them. One thing leads to another, and the girls, taking advantage of their access to extra invitations, start going to all of the best parties in town while creating new exciting fake identities for themselves for each party. Like a Formula One Race Car Driver, Crash Test Dummy Manufacturer, and Olympic Skier. All harmless fun, you understand. In their adventures, Bri falls for a humble parking valet she keeps meeting, and Toni continues to run into Justin who is the corporate head of a corporation that acquires other corporations. Justin, played by the elegant Chris McNally, is just…Wow…in this movie. At one party she meets Latisha, one of Justin’s employees who was a fellow classmate of hers from “Haltword”. Latisha tells her boss what a great lawyer Toni is (based on what a great student she knew her to be).  He invites her on a Christmas retreat as a consultant after she advises him not to get involved in buying a company that her Dad will soon be filing a class action suit against. Toni tries to refuse but is powerless in the face of Latisha who almost gives birth on the portico. Also Bri, the human dynamo, adds her two cents, and Toni is powerless to refuse.

So just harmless party crashing and fantasy identities has just turned serious. Toni can get into serious trouble with the bar association for practicing law without a license even though she is just consulting and will refuse to be paid. It will also harm Justin and his company’s credibility. As Justin and Toni continue to fall for each other, Toni learns that due to a troubled childhood with his father and a past romantic betrayal, Justin cannot tolerate liars. Always on the verge of confessing the truth to Justin but never quite finding the courage, she finds herself in an increasingly impossible situation.

Despite all of the deception and lying, this was still enjoyable. The script had some funny jokes; especially the pop-culture references sprinkled throughout. Lyndsy Fonseca, who played Toni, has established a good track record with me, and newcomer Daniella Monet as Bri was a lot of fun. Because of their acting I just made the decision not to be judgey about their characters’ behavior.  Besides, a most beloved rom-com, While You Were Sleeping was based on Sandra Bullock’s big lie, and who ever had a problem with Sandra Bullock’s Lucy? Certainly not me.

 As all of the fake identities start to catch up with the two friends, it results in some pretty good comedy as well as tension. Olympic Skier, Huh? And Doula? The romance between Vinny the valet and Bri was sweet. It turns out Bri is not the only one who can conjure up a fake identity. Bri finding the ideal career path at last was an engaging sub plot, and her backstory did a lot to justify her more questionable actions. I love the way Toni came to terms with her Dad’s ways. The best scene in the movie is when she hears some of the party goers make fun of him and his commercials and she stalks over and rips them a new one, revealing her true identity in the process. This was a breakthrough for her and the point where she finally starts finding her way forward careerwise.  I also liked that Justin held Toni accountable for her lies when the truth finally came out. She was truly remorseful and apologetic, but he rightly had none of it, and they didn’t meet again for another year. She had passed the bar and had gone into partnership with her Dad, even starring in one of his crazy TV spots. I loved that. Good for her. When Justin sees her on TV, his heart melts and a happy ending is not far behind. Not that her saving him and his firm “two billion dollars” with her inside information played a factor in his forgiveness. Not at all.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10.

Family for Christmas

What About the Children?

This is a 2015 movie that I have seen a couple of times. It was on again last night and it got my attention again. This review is more of a rant. And not about the sexist patriarchal message it sends. No, this is one of those time travel movies with children in it and as usual, that makes it very problematic. A career-oriented Lacey Chabert meets a magical Santa who whisks her into another version of her life. One in which, if, 10 years earlier, she had stayed with her college boyfriend and not gone to San Francisco for an internship. In the version of her life she is thrust into, she is a suburban mom happily married to said boyfriend. She has two children she doesn’t know, and we are shown photos of them as babies and growing up with the alternate version of Lacey. Jumping to the end, when she wakes up again back to her “real life” as a career-oriented journalist, she wants to go back to her husband and children she has come to love. She finds that same Santa, and he tells her that she can’t go back, she can only make other choices going forward. The husband is alive and well with another life. But what about the children? They have been wiped off the face of the earth. They had personalities, thoughts, fears, love, friends, and even souls if you will, and they are just gone. They never even existed. That is horrific and tragic. Never have even existed is even worse than dying too young. At one point, if I interpreted it correctly, she goes to their school and they never come out after dismissal. In a Richard Curtis time travel movie, About Time, the hero could go back in time and make other decisions to get it right, only as long as he had no children. Then there were rules and restrictions. The only other way this trope can work is if it is crispy clear that the whole other life experience is only a dream. That is not the case in this one. At the end, she meets up with her old boyfriend who is still available 10 years later, to live her life going forward but this time including love and family with this guy. She still remembers her alternate life and her kids. I don’t even want to think of the effect these memories will have on her life and decisions going forward. Mind. Boggled.

Lacey Chabert is funny and touching in this, and the movie, if you just ignore all of the metaphysical and existential dilemmas is a good fish out of water story. I like time travel tropes. This one is often compared with Tea Leonie and Nick Cage’s Family Man. I need to watch that movie again to see how the children thing is handled. I can ignore all of the other paradoxes the time travel tropes present and just enjoy the movies for the interesting situations they present, both funny, dramatic, touching, and uplifting., But not if they involve children being erased. That is a bridge too far. I don’t know how to rate this. I’ll just give it a 5.

Rating: 5 out of 10.

The Art of Us

Van Gogh to Hell in a Handbasket

The Art of Us had some “odd for Hallmark” elements in it. Some of which were not unwelcome.

First off, yes, Taylor Cole as Dr. Harper Higgins lies about her Dog Walker/Talented Artist love interest being Vincent Van Gogh’s great-grandson in order to advance her career. So that genuinely crossed the line as far as morals and ethics are concerned. It put other people’s careers and reputations on the line. Hallmark heroines usually do have some foibles and faults to grow past, but being unethical and dishonest for monetary gain is usually not one of them. Especially to people she counts as her colleagues and friends. Secondly, she and her artist actually suffer consequences for their bad behavior. She loses her own career and reputation and he has his show canceled and dismantled. The third aspect that was unusual was that the ex-boyfriend is actually a good honest (and very attractive) guy and the only one smart and educated enough to show any skepticism regarding Tom Becker’s pedigree. Taylor broke up with him because, as an art critic, he told the truth about her art (too technical, no heart or passion) in his review. He was saddened when that truth-telling caused her to quit painting instead of learning and trying again. So yes, Taylor is weak character-wise. the fourth thing is that we forego the 15-20 minutes-to-go in the movie conflict that busts the couple up temporarily. There is a crisis but they face it together.

There were also some big questions to get past in order to buy into the main plot. It is not credible at all that a University art department and respected art dealer would buy into Taylor’s lie about Van Gogh. It is well known that Van Gogh had no children. That such a blockbuster revelation would just be accepted at face value with no investigation is simply ridiculous. That a talented artist would be revealed to be Van Gogh’s great-grandson would be headline news worldwide in the arts community.

I had thought I saw this years ago but I hadn’t. When I saw that it starred Steve Lund, I had to check it out because he is a favorite of mine. He is very engaging, you (I, anyway) really buy into whatever emotion he is trying to convey. There is genuine feeling beyond his words. And when the script calls for it, he can be very funny. He elevates whatever he is in. Taylor Cole? Meh. I can take or leave her. Sometimes she’s pretty good, but in this one she is just average. Maybe her character was to blame though. Everything ends on an upbeat note. It is shown that Tom is on the way to becoming a successful artist, and Harper is happily going back to her own painting with a whole new attitude now that her university career is in shambles.

Rating: 7 out of 10.

February 12, 2022

Cut, Color, Murder

Dye, Die, Don’t Bother

I don’t have a bad word to say about the actors in this new Hallmark mystery series. Gonzalo and McPartlin were just fine, and they had a good rapport. But boy oh boy was it dumb. This is a new entry in Hallmark’s spunky female amateur detective line. They usually run their own “womanly” business so they can take off whenever one of their acquaintances or customers gets murdered in order to catch the killer. We have flower shops, bookstores, antique stores, and bakeries. We also have matchmakers(!?), wedding photographers, crossword puzzle editors, and podcast hosts. Strangely, in two of my favorites, Aurora Teagarden and Mystery 101, the spunky female amateur detectives actually have mainstream professions. With the arrival of Cut, Color, Murder, we now have a beauty shop owner. What took them so long?

In this one, Julie is taking her talents to the world of beauty pageants in which her younger sister is a participant and she is doing hair. The bitchy showrunner gets murdered and there are plenty of suspects because she was evil to absolutely everyone. Julie is the widow of a policeman who was killed in the line of duty (or was it an unsolved cold-blooded murder?). So she has ties to the police department primarily through the chief of police who she has wrapped around her little finger. Enter new guy, Ryan McPartlin, a handsome hotshot detective with whom she butts heads because he is a professional. After Julie meets an anonymous text messager alone in a spooky abandoned house at night because he/she has info about her husband, it was remote throwing time. Except I had to find it first because I had already thrown it after all the laws she broke and chain of evidence procedures ignored in the meantime.  She is rescued from certain death by Ryan and let’s just say this show leaves no cliche unincluded.

We know this is a series because after the mystery is solved we have a bit of a cliffhanger while Julie is having a pow-wow with her dead husband at the cemetery because she has decided to move on (is that something you just decide to do?) and wants to give him a heads up ( I guess?). We know that there is going to be an over-arching mystery of her trying to solve her husband’s murder and getting into all kinds of trouble. Not a spoiler, because I’m not psychic, but I predict that the murderer of her husband turns out to be the indulgent good-guy/father-figure/police chief in an unknown number of episodes hence.

Rating: 5 out of 10.

February 9, 2022

You, Me, and the Christmas Trees

Needles Schmeedles

I’ve never been a member of the Danica McKellar fan club except when she was Winnie on The Wonder Years. I also like her advocacy for girls and math in real life. I’m a little troubled about why she signed an exclusive contract with GAC Family. A network that, apparently, is an alternative for those who are uncomfortable with Hallmark’s new commitment to diversity, and their more inclusive view of “family values”. Personally, I like Hallmark’s more friendly view of “Family” better these days. We’ll see. Anyway, Danica always looks troubled or worried about something or other. She has a resting frowny face. Although I recognize that she is accounted to be very attractive, her looks have never appealed to me.

Danica aside, this was a big miss for me. Although the science was kind of interesting at first, the whole process drew out way too long. Do your scientist thing, solve the problem, and move on from the rather boring problem of falling tree needles. Both of the leads’ crises were of their own making. I mean, his only use for his land was to grow evergreen trees which had no monetary value except at Christmas time? What did he do the rest of the year? It’s not like trees need a lot of care. He kept saying he did not want to diversify because the advice from his father was to do one thing well rather than many things poorly. Well, he didn’t do his “one thing” very well, did he? Farmer Ben Ayres did not have a backup plan, as Danica relentlessly pointed out, and Danica was not open and honest with her mother, preferring to be a victim, I guess. I admit Danica is pretty good at conveying victimhood. I do usually like Ben Ayers. He is very good at playing masculine, kind of grouchy men. So he was pretty well-cast as a stubborn loner-type farmer whose Christmas Trees were dying right before Christmas.

Taking a page from a trend of reuniting actors from old shows, Jason Hervey, also, like Danica, of The Wonder Years, played the bad guy. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Rating: 5 out of 10.

November 9, 2021

Marry Me at Christmas

Pretty Bad. But I did enjoy Trevor Donovan.

Nothing special here. Same old same old story partially redeemed by the character of Johnny Blake played by a well-cast Trevor Donovan. The secondary characters were played by Hallmark perennials, though the 2 female leads were relative newcomers to the Hallmark stable. Emily Tennant, the bride, who provides the #2 lead was fresh and appealing. I see Hallmark in her future. I wish Hallmark would steer away from extravagantly beautiful heroines toward more down-to-earth girls. I just can relate to cute more than impossibly gorgeous. All though this is a backhanded compliment to the physical beauty of Rachel Skarsten, I was distracted throughout most of the movie by her over-processed long ringlets. What is this? 1989?

The success of these things, for me, depends on the existence of some dialogue with some snap to it, some humor, some surprises(a little suspense?), appealing casting, good acting, enough non-phony not-needless conflict to provide some catharsis or the comeuppance of evil-doers. Do I ask for all of these things at once? No, that would be asking too much. (though it has happened, rarely). But I need at least 2. The “supercute” (gag me) snowball fight kicked off a big fail for me.

On a side note, when, oh when, is Hallmark Inc. going to get on the bandwagon and start starring a few of the talented and numerous black actors and actresses as the romantic leads? And I’m not talking about black bosses, black millionaire clients, or black best friends. A.) It seriously calls into question their values, and B.), It’s super stupid business-wise. The most popular and profitable romances and dramas in the theatres today feature black people in the leads. Tyler Perry anyone? What about Malcolm D. Lee and his Best Man movies? There are dozens of examples. Come on. I have more than a few black women friends who would jump on such a Hallmark movie like a duck on a junebug. I can’t believe they have seldom been called on this. WTH?!**4 stars out of 10**

Rating: 4 out of 10.

November 4, 2017

Unleashing Mr. Darcy

Good Show. A Cut Above the Usual

I am a sucker for Jane Austen re-imaginings. It may explain why I liked this movie so much even in the face of the terrible reviews. There were definitely some weaknesses in the plot. (Why didn’t Elizabeth immediately go to the principal when the father of the failing athlete tried to bribe her?) Oooh, he was really evil! I also didn’t understand the hostility of Elizabeth towards Donovan Darcy throughout most of the story. He was so adorable and nice! The main appeal of the movie for me were the two lead actors: Cindy Busby and Ryan Paevey. They were both really appealing and attractive with some great chemistry. Frances Fisher, who played the Catherine de Bourgh character was very hiss-worthy, which always adds to the enjoyment. I did enjoy the secondary characters, the Jane and Bingley type romance, and the dogs as well.**8 stars out of 10**

Rating: 8 out of 10.

September 27, 2017

Moonlight in Vermont

Nothing Special

Moonlight in Vermont is your typical country good-city bad, pretend boyfriend to make old boyfriend jealous, issues with dad Hallmark fare. The only thing to set it apart is good production values, a cute setting, and the always reliable Lacey Chabert. Unfortunately, she is not given too much to work with here. Her love interest is pretty cute as well and her stepmother is a nice smart woman and not a source of tension or conflict. Her rejection of city life for “stop to smell the roses” country living was too quick and not well supported. **6 out of 10**

Rating: 6 out of 10.

April 18, 2017