Wes Brown

A Newport Christmas

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Dimensional Fractures Cannot Be Tolerated.

Strange. For the second time this year, Hallmark, in a way, buried the lead on two weekend Christmas movies. The one premiering Saturday night was OK, but nothing special, but the one on Sunday Night, which I assume would have less viewership, was really great.

A Newport Christmas was a time travel romance, one of my favorite plots, responsible for some of my favorite Hallmark movies like Next Stop, Christmas, Love Strikes Twice, and last year’s A ‘90s Christmas. This, unfortunately, was not quite up to those standards, because of a couple of things, but it was right up there in the conversation. The plot, the concept and the writing were outstanding. It also included some unique wrinkles that I was not expecting. As for the couple of things, nothing against Wes Brown, but he just didn’t seem like a good match for the time traveling Ginna Claire Mason. I thought their chemistry seemed off. Also, GCM’s acting was a little over done.

Ella (Mason)  is a wealthy resident of Newport, Rhode Island in December of 1905. She is somewhat of an independent dynamo and is engaged in numerous charitable activities. She is not interested in marriage but wants to use her dowry to start a charity to help the less fortunate.  While preparing for her father’s inaugural Christmas Ball, her father calls her in to his study and informs her that he has arranged a marriage for her with a man called Everette Thornton whom she has never even met. She is not happy and goes out on her boat alone to clear her head. She sees a comet while wishing for a different life and to fall in love one day. Suddenly, out of nowhere, in the boat with her is Nick, played by Wes Brown. He was on a rescue mission for a missing boat and is as shocked as she is to find a stranger in the boat. Ella has jumped forward 120 years to 2025, which she is forced to admit pretty quickly once they land back in Newport and she gets a load of all the modern stuff. Her former home has been turned into a museum, The Grafton House. Nick is the local historian there and she also meets Christine, the museum director, and Francis, her assistant (secondary romance!). Nick, supported by Christine and Francis, shows Ella around and introduces her to the 21st century. She loves it. Paper cups! Pants! Lady Bosses! Lattes! Computers! Inflatable Snowmen! She finds out that she became a prominent historical figure and an important philanthropist, helping many many people through the years. But this means that she must go back to that influential life. It is not an option, despite the fact that she and Nick have fallen in love.

In addition to the usual “fish out of water” amusing situations and quips, there were many interesting  complexities to Ella’s predicament.  As Ella learns more about her life (it turns out she was happily married to an ex-naval officer named Rex Grafton who supposedly rescued her at sea after her “disappearance”. But it is very mysterious that they can’t find a picture of him anywhere. They figure out that The 1905 “Christmas Comet” that seemingly is responsible for her time travel is reappearing on Christmas Eve in a matter of days and is her best chance of getting back to the life she was meant to lead. It soon becomes apparent that the longer Ella stays in the future and the more she learns about herself and history, the closer she comes to creating a “dimensional fracture” which is symbolized by her portrait disappearing and a biography of her turning into blank pages. One day, Ella spots an old coast guard buddy of Nick’s named Adam and she knows him from somewhere! How can that be? Ella remembers that Adam sold her her boat over 120 years ago. He is a time traveler too, but got here 20 years earlier!  And that is all I will say about that, but the whole situation actually had me pretty mystified and marginally concerned as to how this was all going to resolve itself into a happy ending for Nick and Ella. To further complicate matters, I liked Adam better than Nick. 

This movie was entertaining and sure kept my interest. There were some anachronisms where they got history wrong. Christmas lights were actually pretty common in 1905 as was the QWERTY keyboard. The arranged marriage between two people who had never met? Nope. Not in America, anyway. Ella’s hairstyle was all wrong. And once again, Hallmark missed an opportunity for a little fun social commentary by having Ella ignore the fact that Christine is black. It’s the usual stuff that just has to be ignored or will drive you crazy.  Other than those quibbles it was well thought out and I liked it. I really did.

Rating: 8 out of 10.


Haul Out the Halloween

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“What in the Samhain?”

Taking Christmas decorating drama as far as it could go, what else was Hallmark to do but to move on to the next challenge and take on Halloween? The folks on HOA loving Evergreen Lane, a cul-de-sac in Provo Utah, are thrown into a panic when the Halloween (and Shakespeare) obsessed Marvin and Luna Balmer (The M. Balmers) move into the house vacated by the Jolly Johnsons and start setting up for their favorite holiday of the year. Not Christmas. Something must be done. It’s Evergreen Lane, not Everscream Lane. They call in the big guns, Jared (Wes Brown), President of the HOA, and Emily (Lacey Chabert) Director of mumble mumble Activities, just back from their honeymoon. To not shorten a long story, when Emily was a child, she was traumatized when a mean girl, Ashlynn Ashworth “Yard Yelped” her by scaring her with scarecrows on Halloween shortly before the death of her beloved Grandmother. From then on, the neighbors dialed back all of the other holiday decorations to focus only on Christmas to protect Emily. The Ashworths pulled up stakes and moved away shortly thereafter. However, the ban on Halloween was never officially written into the bylaws of the HOA (!). So, Alas poor Yorick, the Balmers can not be stopped. A Big cul-de-sac meeting is called, and led by sweet and kind Emily, they decide to welcome the Balmers and in a “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ’em” spirit, totally embrace all of the art and science of Halloween celebration complete with costumes, contests, yard displays, and child-friendly activities. (They agree to only go up to 5 on the “Nosferatu Scale”.) It doesn’t hurt that thanks to Luna Balmer’s life being saved when she was just a kid, all proceeds will go to the local Children’s Hospital. And as Emily points out, Halloween is for remembering the dead, and this year’s celebration will be the perfect tribute to Emily’s Gram-Gram.

I really liked this one much more than the previous two Haul Out the Holly movies, which had some very problematic and disturbing aspects to them. The fascist undertones of the HOA were dialed down considerably. It was very fast paced and the wisecracks, jokes, and gags came thick and fast. And they were mostly quite funny. I probably missed a lot of them, but one that stands out was when Jared calls Emily’s messy attic “the portal to Pan’s Labyrinth”. It was very episodic with no one gradually unfolding plotline to be seen. The neighbors tackle a number of challenges including baking contest drama, Jared’s dismay over his widowed mother being courted by weird Ned (Stephen Toblowsky), Jared’s suspension as HOA president, and Emily not being fulfilled in her career and wanting to write children’s books. Also it turns out that the local media star who holds in her hands the success or failure of the money raising aspect of the cul-de-sac’s Halloween hijinks is none other than Ashlynn Ashworth, the mean girl whose family may or may not have been chased out of the neighborhood when she dared to scare young Emily out of her wits. But no one, not even a former mean girl, can resist the niceness of Lacey Chabert’s Emily. So we were not worried. Even though a lot of the side stories kind of fizzled out, I would certainly be on board with another one with these next year. Perhaps an Independence Day or Thanksgiving Day edition? This was fun and silly. If you can embrace that, it’s a treat, not the other thing.

Rating: 8 out of 10.

Love on the Danube: Love Song

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No Blues on This Danube

Really, I got nothing. This was a very standard and generic travelogue type romance with nothing much to distinguish it. Good or bad. There was some nice scenery and some good singing, which I actually could have used more of. The actors were fine. Not a major fan of either Nazneen Contractor or Wes Brown, but they were fine. The two older actors who played these late thirty-somethings’ parents were both also fine. Actually a little more than fine.

Jack and Sarah are on a  Broadway revival themed river cruise with their widowed parents, Andre and Julia, who are still down in the dumps about the deaths of their spouses. Jack and Andre have never been close because Andre was not very present as a husband and father and has been regretting that. Sarah and Julia have always been close but Julia is not recovering fast enough from her husband’s death for Sarah’s taste. Also Sarah has always felt responsible for holding her mother back from her full potential as a Broadway singer and actress, where, in her opinion, she should have been a star performer and not just in the chorus. Which is dumb. Because of this Sarah is a workaholic and determined that nothing will stand in her way career-wise. She has a slave-driver of a boss who will not let her alone and is constantly pressuring her to do this, that, or the other even on her vacation or she will not get that all-important promotion. This is the second rude threatening boss in as many weeks and I am really over this annoying convention. No boss would ever be so mean and demanding with a valued employee. Anyway, Jack and Sarah get together to pull a Parent Trap-type Matchmaking scheme on their parents and of course end up falling in love themselves. While cruising, running, sightseeing, and wine-drinking along the banks of the Danube, Julia learns the usual life lessons and Jack already has it all together so learns nothing. After giving him the brushoff, Julia changes her mind and decides to ease off on her career and let love into her life in the form of Jack. Then she quits her job to start her own company which will not exactly lead to more work-life balance, but will get her boss off her back. Probably being promoted would have done that too (she gets the promotion), but whatever. Andre and Julia remain “just friends.”

At one point, Julia sings snippets from “The Trolley Song” from Meet Me in Saint Louis and “Somewhere” from West Side Story. For me, these were highlights and had they been more than just snippets, I probably would have given this movie another star. This is the first part of a trilogy based on cruising The Danube. Apparently the second one is a Royal in Disguise. Thank you very little, Hallmark.

Rating: 6 out of 10.

Autumn at Apple Hill

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An Easy Watch

Erin Cahill plays Elise, a divorcee who is not-a-mother and is trying to keep her struggling Apple Hill Inn that she inherited from her late grandparents afloat while trying to keep the large hotel chains who are trying to move in on her at bay. It is a beautiful and beloved Inn, but it is falling apart. Her friend and employee Nora has been trying to get her to computerize the administrative duties and use social media for promotion, but Elise feels that this would take it too far away from its roots and old-fashioned charm. Meanwhile, the guests eat their breakfasts with umbrellas at the ready so the pipes don’t leak on their food.  She has a lot to fix and update to make the Inn viable but can’t get a loan until she shows a 15% profit by the end of October. Her banker encourages her to consider partnering with one of the big hotel chains who have come a callin’ but she is dead set against becoming nothing but an employee in her own hotel.

Meanwhile Luke (Wes Brown) is the CFO of a large hotel conglomerate headed by his mother. He is a workaholic who is running his staff ragged. His Mother puts her foot down during a lunch where he will not get off his phone. He is very annoying. To protect her employees from his punishing management style, she cuts off access to his cell phone account and suspends him from his position so he will go on a mandatory vacation. He is horrified and discombobulated. Paula Boudreau plays his elegant resolute mother and when she spikes his guns, we cheer her on. She is a force to be reckoned with. Completely at loose ends, he sees an old photo and fondly remembers growing up in his old hometown of Landover and decides to spend his forced vacation time there. And Landover just happens to be where The Inn at Apple Hill is located! He has fond memories of the Inn and it is there he insists on staying! When Elise looks at the old paper register book (“Oh but the tactile feel of paper though!”) she recognizes his name as a big hotel magnate and assumes he is there to worm his way into taking over her hotel. She proceeds to make his stay as miserable as possible giving him the worst room in the place. The Bates Motel is mentioned.

Eventually Elise finds out that Luke has no nefarious designs on her Inn and they start to get to know each other and work together. With Luke’s help and expertise, will Elise be able to get that loan and save her Inn? It all rests on the success of bringing back the Inn’s traditional Halloween Party that had gone by the wayside 15 years ago.

Despite the often used and predictable storyline. I rather enjoyed this. The surprising twist in Luke and his mother’s business relationship near the end was an unexpected and welcome development. The secondary romance between Nora and the electrician was sweet and added a nice touch. Sarah Luby as Nora was funny and charming. In fact, all of the supporting characters were likable and well-written. Erin Cahill and Wes Brown were fine, especially Wes Brown. They had an easy-going and natural rapport. Before Luke and Elise started making nice, she was the recipient of some pretty brutal and much-deserved assessments of her hospitality. Their back and forth was pretty funny. (“I can show you my plaques!” “ Did you buy them on the internet?”).  When she finds out he is old pals with a respected local tavern owner and mutual friend, relations between them are quick to thaw. She is genuinely ashamed of herself and her learning curve in embracing modern methods and a new attitude were engaging and realistic. She was intelligent and reasonable and didn’t try my patience with stupid pig-headedness. The movie did use my least favorite Hallmark trope, “Bad Business”, but it wasn’t the focus and was over before it became too irritating. It was nice to look at. The tasteful fall decor in contrast to the random and eccentric seasonal bric-a-brac of other networks and Hallmarks not Hallmark-produced, added to the overall pleasantness.

This one had too familiar a plot to get really high marks from me, but it had enough positives to overcome a formula that could have made it tired and boring. Instead, it had a comforting tried and true old-fashioned feel that I really liked. It was easy to watch.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10.

A Biltmore Christmas

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Back to the Golden Age of Hollywood but in North Carolina

I am so relieved that this movie did not disappoint me, which is kind of a miracle. My hopes and expectations were sky-high as soon as I started to read about it almost a year ago. It stars two of my favorite Hallmark actors, who have never been paired together before: the most charismatic Kristoffer Polaha and the most talented actress, Bethany Joy Lenz. It is filmed at Biltmore which I have visited more than several times and love . The production values matched the glamour and distinction of the location. Everything was staged with imagination and attention to detail. The fashions were wonderful which I would expect from any movie starring Ms. Lenz. She is always stylish and her wardrobe always seems to be a cut above the usual you see in a Hallmark production. The whole cast was excellent. Everything was first class, and it looked like no expense was spared.

It’s a time-travel movie. Lucy Hardgrove is a screenwriter who has been hired to write a remake of a 1947 Christmas Classic, His Merry Wife!. The plot of the movie within a movie reminded me of The Bishop’s Wife, starring Cary Grant, Loretta Young, and David Niven. It’s a favorite. Because Lucy is kind of cynical about love, she changes the ending from a happy one to a more somber bittersweet one where the Angel figure chooses to get his wings over sacrificing them to ensure the lovers remain together. The head of the studio does not approve and he sends her to Biltmore House where the movie was originally filmed with hopes that it will inspire her to buy into the original happy ending. While touring with a group, led by Winston, the head tour guide, she comes across an hourglass which was also used in the movie. When she turns it over to start the sand she goes back in time to the 1947 movie set. When the sand runs out she is automatically returned to the present. The first time she travels back she meets the cast and gets a bit part in the movie. Most importantly, she meets the actor Jake Huston, Kristoffer Polaha, who plays The Angel Charlie in the production. It was a star-making role, but he unfortunately died on Christmas Eve, a year after the production was wrapped. Lucy learns there was an alternate ending to the movie (a sad one) that was never filmed. She feels she needs to know more and why the ending was changed to a happy one. On her second trip into the past, she accidentally breaks the hourglass, and until it can be repaired she is stuck in the past. Over the next several days, she and Jake fall in love (good) and she inadvertently changes the future (bad). Before she can get back to her life in the here and now, she has to fix things. Otherwise, disaster, as it is with time travel.

That is the bare bones of the plot, but the movie was layered and complex with interesting side stories and characters, humor, and drama. One of the characters I enjoyed the most was actually in the present. When Lucy first pops back from the past, Margaret, a very southern woman and big fan of His Merry Wife! sees her and of course, being southern, thinks she is a ghost. I can say that because I’m Southern. Lucy is forced to tell her the truth, and Margaret becomes her backup and safety net in case something goes wrong.

The movie ends with a “One Year Later” on Christmas Eve and Lucy is back at Biltmore consulting on the new remake of the classic Christmas movie. Which, based on Lucy’s experiences in the past, now ends happily like the original. Yes, it is the day Jake died 80 years ago and Lucy is saying goodbye to Jake in her heart. Of course, in a Hallmark movie Jake and Lucy cannot remain parted. How they are brought back together was pretty smart and did make sense. Mostly. Of course, there are always questions, but not ones I couldn’t deal with.

The last scene was the perfect cap for the movie. Lucy and Margaret’s tour guide, Winston, who has been the source of much history of the old classic film and Biltmore House itself, ensures that the hourglass will never see the light of day again so Jake and Lucy will never be parted by mistake. Apparently, he knew more than he was letting on a year ago. It was poignant how he did that and it was definitely an “Awwh” moment. The perfect ending.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10.

Haul Out the Holly: Lit Up

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May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor

And so it continues. The sequel to Haul Out the Holly is more of the same only the ante is upped by a new family moving to Evergreen Lane. At first, the Christmas Trappings-obsessed neighborhood is worried that the new neighbors won’t fit in, and that their decor and Christmas spirit (as defined by the HOA) will not be up to snuff. That the HOA might have to go “medieval on their merriment”. Scary stuff. Christmas Bling is serious business on Evergreen Lane. But much to their excitement and joy the new homeowners are none other than the world-famous royalty of Christmas celebration, “The Jolly Johnsons”, the reigning champions of the reality series Ho Ho House and who “set the bar for Suburban Santaology”.  It all proceeds as one might expect. At first, the Johnsons and Evergreen Lane are a mutual admiration society. That doesn’t last long. The Johnsons start to belittle Evergreen Lane’s efforts and start to take over the neighborhood celebrations with grander displays and over the top of E.L.’s over-the-top events. And it’s their way or the highway. Worst of all they ignore the rules and regulations of the HOA! It all escalates in sometimes amusing and sometimes horrifying ways until the Johnsons end up ripping up Jared’s citations and quitting the HOA!! This is exactly what some viewers wanted poor Lacey to do last year. Quite put out, she responds “This isn’t in the handbook. Why did you make me participate last year?!” Obviously reinforcements are needed and it’s Lacey’s parents, the founders of the HOA, to the rescue.

 Lacey Chabert was excellent in this. Her character, though buying in and embracing the ways of Evergreen Lane, manages not to lose her sanity (for long) and remains the voice of reason and kindness. Haul Out the Holly was a somewhat divisive movie, either loved for the broad comedy and satire or hated for the torture and bullying of Lacey Chabert until she conformed to HOA regulations. Not to mention the anti- “real meaning of Christmas” message. I thought this was funnier and less disturbing than the first one. Cute gags and running jokes abound. At the beginning of the movie, Mary Louise, who is played by Ellen Travolta, references a member of her famous real-life family, but not the one you think. And the bit about the Canadian rock group Nickelback. It was funny and clever. The whole talented cast did their job to almost perfection- I confess I still didn’t care for Wes Brown’s character, Jared, Lacey’s boyfriend and president of the HOA.

Maybe I just knew what to expect with this one. Instead of a whole neighborhood (including her absent parents) ganging up on one nice girl, the neighborhood ended up being divided into two more or less equal factions battling it out for Christmas supremacy. The neighborhood comes together in the end thanks to Lacey. But although the true meaning of Christmas is given lip service, I just didn’t buy it. It was still all about the tinsel, lights, and gingerbread houses. If there is a third one in this series (and why wouldn’t there be?) it would be interesting to see what would happen if a Jewish or Muslim family moved in. Or better yet, a true Christian family who celebrates the original source of the season by looking inward instead of outward unless it is to help others in need. I know. That’s just crazy talk.

Rating: 6 out of 10.

Haul out the Holly

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Haul this one Out the Door

**Spoilers**

This was so messed up. I think it was supposed to be a  fun comedic look at recapturing one’s love for Christmas decorations after a childhood of one’s parents prioritizing the trappings of Christmas over their own child’s simpler needs and desires. The movie opens with the parents of a little girl leaving the house on Christmas morning to attend some kind of Neighborhood Christmas Carnival. The little girl begs her mom and Dad to let her open just one present before they leave. They impatiently agree but give her the present she has to open. It’s a camera so she can assist in the neighborhood project by taking pictures for the record. All the little girl wants is to open presents under the tree on Christmas morning as a family. The only thing her Mom and Dad want is to make sure the neighborhood carnival runs smoothly. Priorities, people!

We meet the adult Lacey Chabert who after years of understandably avoiding Christmas with her mom and dad finds herself at loose ends this year due to a breakup. She decides to go home for Christmas. Her parents are happy and encouraging, but as she arrives at the front door, to her shock, her parents leave for Florida! Left alone at Christmas, she promises to take care of the house and put up the decorations for the neighborhood extravaganza as her Christmas present to them. This is the first example of a long line of Lacey getting taken advantage of and run roughshod over. As soon as her parents leave, she is visited by her old friend, Wes Brown, who is now president of the HOA. He informs her that she is being given a citation for inadequate Christmas decorations. And so it begins. The rest of the movie is about Lacey just wanting to have a relaxing peaceful Christmas but being hounded by the neighborhood to participate in decorating her house to specification and pitching in with all of the organized “fun”. Front and center among all of the obnoxious neighbors is the petty dictator of the HOA, who is absolutely serious when he measures her Nutcracker lawn ornament to ensure it meets the height requirement. Sadly, he is the love interest.

Lacey is way too people-pleasing for her own good and although at one juncture she points out that she doesn’t “have to” obey the covenants, she does, presumably to protect her manipulating deceitful parents. By the end, in what can only be the Stockholm Syndrome effect, she has bought into it all and the message is clear. The trappings of Christmas are more important than family, love, peace on earth, and goodwill toward men. It turns out that this fustercluck was all a ruse on the part of her parents to get her used to living in their house and complying with the HOA covenants as they are gifting the house to her. And also to fix her up with Wes Brown. Hopefully, he will put away his ever-present citation book before they settle down to marital bliss in the bedroom.

Even cameo appearances by Kristoffer Polaha and Eric Mabius can’t save this one. And neither can Stephen Tobolowsky who played Ned in Groundhog Day, playing a neighbor named Ned. And neither can Lacey, settling down to watch a Brennan Elliot Christmas movie professing “Oh I love him!” Cute inside joke for Hallmarkies. I did laugh. If you want to see the beloved Lacey Chabert, who plays a nice woman too tolerant and compliant for her own good, bossed around, manipulated, threatened, and bullied for almost an hour and a half in service of an anti-Christmas message, this is the one for you.

Rating: 4 out of 10.

Wedding at Graceland

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Cute Kellie and the Most Annoying Hallmark Mother Ever

No doubt we will see a lot of grouchyfaces bashing Kellie Pickler’s acting skills just like we did with her first foray into Hallmark land, the hugely popular Christmas at Graceland. Well, I thought she was adorable in this one and the chemistry between her and Wes Brown was solid. She was cute, perky, cheerful, and authentic. She certainly has a lot more spark than most of the cookie-cutter Hallmark actresses. In this one, the couple have to deal with her cold sulky father and his overbearing steamroller of a mother who will stop at nothing to hijack the wedding. The plot is tension filled while we wait in vain for Kellie and Wes to put the parents in their place. This doesn’t happen, but they do realize the error of their ways eventually and all ends with a perfect wedding at Graceland. The lack of a huge telling off and catharsis knocks this down a bit, but all in all, this was better than the first one.

Rating: 7 out of 10.

June 4, 2019

Christmas at Graceland

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Can Anyone really “spoil” a Hallmark Christmas Movie?

Ok, so Kelly Pickler may not be the best actress in the world, but I found her very appealing in this role. For some reason her authentic southern accent really captured me. I wish these Hallmark make-up artists would realize that their victims, oops, clients, are not contestants in a beauty pageant. I prefer the natural girl-next-door look, not the look of someone that is trying to sell cosmetics behind a counter in a department store. Geez, tone it down. It’s like they are trying to hide something. She seems like a very nice person, and that came across in her role. Wes Brown is one of my favorite Hallmark heroes, so this is another factor that boosted my rating. I also liked the little girl. All three are very talented singers. Of course, the plot was pretty standard stuff. No surprises there. And I wish that we would have had some closure with her boss as it was his fault the business deal fell through, and I hate that she got the blame for it. This was directed by Eric Close, best known as an actor. I like to see familiar faces branching out. **6 out of 10 stars**

Rating: 6 out of 10.

November 18, 2018