by Natalie Sue

Jolene recalls the time she brought juice and milk instead of coffee and soda to an office potluck and they think it’s funny:

After that, I decided that limiting my interactions was the best way to keep people from hating me. But over time, embarrassment became resentment. I was annoyed that Rhonda had me buy drinks if coffee and the watercooler would’ve done it. That was the first step down a road. The thing about annoyance is that once there’s a spark, you can find more things to stoke it. It grew and amplified between me and them. And eventually the abyss stared back.

This was an entertaining and funny read with serious overtones. The darkness mostly stems from having to do with a heroine who has social anxiety and other damage due to a childhood tragedy that she was wrongly blamed for. She suffers from guilt that her family had to move to another city to escape the gossip and blame. Her mental state is not helped by an overbearing mother whose ill-judged parenting skills create stress and expectations she can not hope to meet. Therefore she lies about her career success and her romantic life, creating more stress. She is a bitter and very unhappy person.

She works in an office and to say that Jolene does not fit in is an understatement. Her office mates try to ignore her weird ways but are also hostile and hateful. They speculate on the chances of her going postal with a deadly weapon at some point, and they are half serious. And I’m not sure that I wouldn’t feel the same way about her (though I hope I wouldn’t be hostile and mean).

Her personal life is not any better. Her apartment is filthy and she is a borderline alcoholic. But since we are privy to her interior life and funnily sarcastic and incisive if black takes on the world and the people around her, I couldn’t help but like her while shaking my head at her self-sabotage. And I knew from the get-go that the book would be about Jolene’s journey out of the depths to happiness and health. So I was willing to put up with quite a bit from her.

The crux of the novel is how Jolene, due to some kind of computer foul up, is suddenly able to secretly read all of the private emails of her work mates and bosses. She finds out that massive layoffs are coming, and she will probably be first on the chopping block due to her, well, everything about her. She starts to play the social and political game to save her job. In the process, she finally gets to know the people she works with and everything that is going on beneath the surface. Needless to say, some people confirm her low opinion of them, and some do not. She gets to know Cliff, the new HR guy with whom she has to meet regularly for Sensitivity Training. He is a wonderful guy, and she starts to fall for him, and for some reason, he for her. With him, she is quick witted, funny, and nice with a refreshingly rebellious yet well-founded cynicism that he relates to.

There are many aspects of this book that are 5 star worthy. By itself, the premise of Jolene’s access to the secret thoughts and professional and personal lives of everyone in her office was a rich trove of humor and horror. There are revelations galore which made for quite the page turner. Eventually we know there will be hell to pay on many fronts when the truth comes out. We fear for Jolene while recognizing that justice is not on her side. But to me, Jolene’s growth came too late and then, too quickly in the book. I didn’t feel her journey was well managed. I was impatient with her constant negative attitude towards the good people in her life, especially Cliff. She always assumes the worst. I hoped that her relationship with Miley, a neglected little girl who lives in her apartment building would be the making of both her and Miley but the connection never really delivers on its promise.

The ending was satisfying and happy, just the way I like it. But I can’t give it 5 stars. Jolene disappointed me too often, until she didn’t.