Jaicy Elliot

Love on the Amazon

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“Amelia’s Not Here”

When I saw who the female lead was in this movie, I sighed. This actress, Jaicy Elliot, who reportedly was (is?-I don’t watch it) very good in Grey’s Anatomy has made it very clear with her acting that she just does not want to be in a Hallmark movie. In the 3 that she has been in, she has been flatter and more deadpan than the last. In one of the roles the character was written in the script to be sweet and lovable, and Ms. Elliot’s acting style actually made the character charmless and downright unpleasant. Well, the bugs, humidity, and dangerous reptiles of the Amazon must agree with her, because she was OK in this one and that’s a big step up. Now mind you, she didn’t bring anything special to the role, but she didn’t make me want to yell at her to wake up either. Unfortunately she missed some opportunities in the script to deliver some laughs or smiles and they were left dying on the jungle vines. We can add comic timing to the “improvement needed” column on her report card.

Claire is a vice principal of a school whose sister, a marine biologist, is doing important work on the Amazon. She has been waiting for news of a fellowship she is up for which will fund her project for years. Claire is taking care of her apartment and has been tasked to watch her mail for word as to whether she got the award or not. Because Amelia has to sign it and fill out a questionnaire. I guess the people who were giving her that truck load of fundage for her work on the Amazon are not aware that she is actually in Brazil on the Amazon. Doing her work. And not at her San Diego apartment waiting for their letter. One of many mysteries in this movie that went unsolved. When the letter about the grant finally comes, Claire drops it under a coffee table (by accident) and doesn’t discover it until it’s almost too late for Amelia to sign the paper and fill out the questionnaire. You had one job, Claire! One! So Claire, despite her fear of snakes, decides to find her sister on the Amazon river to deliver the paper to get signed. Yes, the paper is what is known in the movies as a “MacGuffin”. It’s just an excuse to get hapless Claire to the Amazon River so she can find love with a handsome boat captain and discover her true self.

That’s all I’m going to say about the plot. It goes exactly as you would expect. The movie was actually filmed on the Amazon, although in Peru, not Brazil. But close enough. We get some beautiful and authentic scenery on the river. (I can’t say the same when they venture into the jungle-It looked like a big green park.) Luckily for the relationship development and so Claire can have some adventures, every time they get to where Amelia is supposed to be, Amelia is not there, but is still deeper in the jungle and further down the river.

What I really want to address about this movie is what became for me, a proverbial elephant in a proverbial room. And that involved Claire’s suitcase. Of course it was bottomless and full of cute jungle outfits, as is usual in Hallmarks. And it must have been invisible as well. Because when she finally opens the only suitcase we ever see on camera, it was not full of clothes, but HARDBACK BOOKS! Now I love books probably more than the average person. They are part of my daily life, and for 20 years, part of my professional life. But come on. Going down the Amazon dragging along a heavy suitcase full of books? And not just books, but Hardbacks and large trade paperbacks, not the handy light mass-market ones. In one scene, she is reading one of the books and since it is nighttime she has a big bug-attracting headlight attached to her head to see the words. To quote the handsome boat captain, “Haven’t you ever heard of an E-reader?!” And E-readers nowadays are not only backlit, Claire, but waterproof and would have survived the massive rainstorm that your hardback books did not. The soggy mess was hilarious but in a dumb way not a funny way. At the end there is another dumb thing which I can’t resist mentioning. As already established, Amelia and company are in the deepest darkest part of the Amazonian jungle. When Claire inevitably goes to chase after the handsome boat captain who left the camp with a broken heart, she is stopped by a huge and deadly snake blocking her way to the boat.  Amelia’s assistant, seeing the danger, offers to “walk to town and get another boat.” What? Maybe that was supposed to be funny ha-ha not funny dumb, but it came across as dumb. As did too much in this movie. Stars for the handsome boat captain, the scenery, and the kiss at the end. And Jaicy’s makeup was on point. Hallmark, do her and yourselves a favor and when you want to take up the laudable issue of body positivity again, call on another attractive actress who can not only be competent, as Jaicy was, but add some spark to the story with her acting or charisma.

Rating: 5 out of 10.

My Southern Family Christmas

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Christmas in Louisiana minus the Southerners.

**Spoilers**

A Texas magazine writer, Campbell, receives a voicemail out of the blue from her Bio-Dad’s wife, inviting her to come to Louisana to meet and get to know him and her two half-sisters. Loved seeing Moira Kelly of Chaplin and The Cutting Edge fame in the role of the Deadbeat Dad’s loving wife. Campbell is very torn because while she wants to meet her two sisters, her Dad (Bruce Campbell)  abandoned her and her mother when she was two years old. With her mom and her stepdad, her family is complete and she has had no interest in having a relationship with a guy with whom she hasn’t had any contact in at least 3 decades. Finally, after seeing an old photo of herself at 2 sitting on the very handsome young Bruce Campbell’s lap, she decides to go, but anonymously. Using her profession as a magazine writer doing an article on Pere Noel, she will get to know her father and his two daughters surreptitiously.  Her father has just inherited the title of this Cajun version of Santa Claus, which is apparently a big community honor in Louisiana. I don’t know, I confess I’ve never heard of this.

Under the pretext of researching and getting to know “Pere Noel”, she visits the county records department which is run by the town historian and expert. He is very cute, and they like each other. He susses out who she really is immediately as she steals some files on her father from his office. But as she gets to know her father and his family, her heart softens as she learns what a great guy and dedicated family man he is now.  She learns how guilty and torn up he is about his past, and that he actually came to see her when she was 8 years old. But when he saw what a happy, perfect family she, her mother, and her husband, her stepfather, made, he slunk away without making contact. After some drama, she finally reveals who she is just in time for a happy Christmas.

Although this was a good premise for an interesting and touching story, it just didn’t entirely work due to the performance of Jaicy Elliot as the daughter. We really needed to empathize with her, or at least like her. She is supposed to be very warm and lovable in the script. At one point the love interest encourages her by saying “Who wouldn’t love you?” And lots of stuff like that. However, the actress made her come across as flat and emotionless at best and downright unpleasant at worst. When some photographers want to do a family picture of Pere Noel and his family, she is told by them to step aside as they only want “family.” This is the big drama. She hadn’t even told her Dad who she was yet, but petulantly stalks away with the intention of leaving without even saying goodbye to her sisters or stepmother with whom she has grown close. It made no sense. I’m not sure what our emotions were supposed to be at this point about her, but I was pretty disgusted. Luckily, thanks to the cute love interest who is head over heels for no discernible reason, she changes her mind for a tender reveal and reconciliation scene on Christmas morning. Bruce Campbell had been writing to Campbell ever since he abandoned her and gives all of the letters to her warning her they are full of sorrow, pain, and regret. Uh, thanks, Dad. Merry Christmas to you too. Maybe they should just move forward?

Finally, as a Southerner, I was borderline offended by the lack of Southern accents in the cast of characters. This is Louisiana, y’all! It’s called My Southern Family Christmas. But they all sounded like they were from California or Nebraska and didn’t even make an effort. Campbell was born and raised in Texas, but nope, no accent there either. Poor Bruce Campbell made half-hearted attempts off and on, but please. At least he tried! Kinda.

Rating: 6 out of 10.

Romance in Style

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“Go Ella!” Literally, Just Go.

This was good for the first 70%. The premise was intriguing and anytime Hallmark resists the urge to fall back on their go-to templates, it always feels fresh.

Ella (think Cinderella), a sewer (I guess I should have said seamstress) in the fashion industry, has aspirations to be a dress designer specializing in clothes for the average woman, such as herself, both in price and size. She has already gotten some love from a premiere designer who has seen promise in her designs (think Vera Wang). She has a meet-cute with a seemingly entitled self-absorbed (but handsome!) man at a coffee shop on her way to do some freelance sewing work for the fashion magazine her friend works at (think Vogue). We meet her friend’s mean-girl bosses who are very much like Meryl Streep and Emily Blunt from The Devil Wears Prada. Lo and Behold, it turns out that the charming gentleman (Prince Charming, that is) whom she traded good-natured barbs with at the coffee shop is the son of the new owner of the media company who has been sent to turn things around for the struggling magazine.

I really liked that the powerful love interest, Derek, played by Ben Hollingsworth, and our heroine were aligned on the same side against Meryl and Emily who did not want to expand their fashion coverage to include anyone over a size 4. He likes her and he likes her ideas. Recognizing her talent and knowledge, he relies on her to tutor him in the ins and outs of the fashion industry. They work together to develop the digital version of the magazine to appeal to a larger audience. No pun intended. He decides to feature her and her designs much to the resentment and anger of the mean girls. The stage is perfectly set for drama, sabotage, confrontation, and a hopefully massive take-down of Meryl and Emily, the wicked stepsister and stepmother.

The precarious current state of print media and its challenges are not ignored. Usually, with Hallmark, successful independent bookstores abound and magazines and newspapers are super successful and legion to provide gainful and glamorous employment for our heroes and heroines. The set design and graphics were stylish and imaginative and the fashions actually looked fashionable. The pace was energized and the dialogue snappy.

Unfortunately, the ending was extremely weak and brought my final rating down a whole star. The big misunderstanding at the end was too dumb for words. It entailed Ella swallowing the obvious lie from mean girl #2 that Derek really didn’t care anything about her and was just using her. Why would she even stay in the same room with the nasty venomous bitch let alone listen to and believe her? Ben had never been anything but kind and supportive. Anyway, she does, and leaves the big launch party in a huff before Ben can introduce her to the fashion world as a hot new designer. She simultaneously disses the Vera “fairy godmother” Wang character and embarrasses everyone into the bargain. She not only potentially tanks her romance with the rich, powerful, and nice Ben but her dream career as well. Talk about self-hatred! Of course, the happy ending can’t be denied. All is forgiven. But then we are robbed of the pleasure of seeing the wicked stepsisters being taken down by turning them into nice girls at the last minute for no reason other than expediency. (“Go Ella!”, they cheer.) If you’re going to do Cinderella, don’t leave out the best part.

Rating: 6 out of 10.

August 16, 2022