A Royal Montana Christmas

The current image has no alternative text. The file name is: royalmontana.jpg

Dude!

It’s not often that I have nothing to say. The title says it all. But it’s the Saturday premiere of the first movie in Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas. So. The overscheduled and stressed out Princess Victoria of Zelarnia escapes to a Montana dude ranch where she went as a child with her late father for a little R and R and falls for Huntley, the son of the owners. Besides having no free time in Zelarnia she is discouraged from being herself or straying outside the lines in any way, shape, or form while doing her princessly duties. After Christmas she will be taking over for her mother the queen full time. Luckily her mother is supportive and Victoria doesn’t really so much as “escape” but is allowed to go to Montana as long as she takes her head scheduler and assistant, Gabriel along with her and is back by December 19th for the official lighting of the third Advent candle. Also she has a nice sister, who is much more suited for her duties than Victoria is, to fill in. Gabriel is from New York City, and he will help Victoria navigate the strange ranch customs of America. In the one amusing line, Gabriel protests that the only ranch he is “acquainted with is ranch dressing.”

And that is pretty much that. No one recognizes her at all, so there is no cloak and dagger hiding her identity or escaping from the paparazzi going on. The fact that she is a royal princess doesn’t really play into the story at all. No culture shock, no nothing. She might as well be another Hallmark American stressed out business woman on vacation. Except for the German (?) accent. Even citified prissy Gabriel is a good sport about all they have to go through. For some strange reason, Victoria and Gabriel, paying guests mind you, are given nasty chores on their first day including mucking out the stalls (“Charlie made a big ole mess last night.” snicker snicker. Charlie being a horse.) There is some mystery about why they no longer have the annual Christmas dance which Victoria remembers so fondly.  But with the help of Huntley’s gorgeous high school friend, Shelby, she enthusiastically and competently revives it to raise money for the volunteer fire department. Shelby is nice and even though she and Huntley were the homecoming Queen and King there is no romance there at all. Drama and misunderstandings averted. Huntley’s deal is that he used to be a baseball player and even made it to the pros. But he blew out his rotator cuff during his first spring training, letting down his community who cheered him on at the last Christmas Dance that they held many years ago.  Next year’s dance was canceled because his parents were too busy seeing to his recovery. Ever since, instead of helping his parents run the ranch full time he has been assistant coaching unhappily in the minor leagues there in the hinterlands of Billings Montana and struggling with some kind of complex for letting down his community. The community doesn’t care, bro. They are too busy with their own lives.

When the Christmas dance is scheduled the day after Victoria is supposed to leave she just calls up her mom and gets an extension. No problemo. Meanwhile Huntley and Victoria have fallen in love while doing ranch activities under the big sky of Montana. At one point things get serious (they almost kiss) and she tells him she is a real princess. No problemo. Even though he is now going to help run the ranch full time, and her destiny is in Zelarnia, they are going to work it out and be together “as a team”, “whatever that looks like.” Holy matrimony is not mentioned. Sure enough, she goes back to Zelarnia to light the last Advent candle, and comes back seemingly the next day (going by what I know about Advent Candles) on Christmas to live the dream in Montana with her mother and sister in tow. They fit right in and little sis happily agrees to take over Victoria’s princess duties for ever after they get back home.

This one was not an auspicious start to Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas 2025 version. Fiona Gubelman and Warren Christie were well cast, had good chemistry and did the best they could with a really boring script. Warren looks excellent in a Cowboy hat and the kisses were solid.

Rating: 5 out of 10.

Sugarplummed

The current image has no alternative text. The file name is: sugarplummed.jpg

A Very Meta Christmas

Hallmark making fun of itself in their own movies seems to be a bit of a thing lately. They take all of the usual Romantic Comedy ingredients, fold in all of the cliches and tropes that are exclusive to Hallmark itself, and fill up a movie with them. If I was a cynic, I would be  a little suspicious that it’s an excuse to get another Christmas movie in the tank without having to think of an original plot. And they can still say, “ Hey, aren’t we clever? See how we are laughing at ourselves!? Our movies are filled with cliches but that’s OK!”  I thought this was the way this one was going and I felt the tedium coming on, but then it took a turn.  And I started to really enjoy it.

 We meet lawyer Emily (Maggie Lawson), her architect husband (Brendon Zub-love him) and her two teenage children. Although the family love each other, we see there are troubles a brewin’ . Emily is over-organized and tightly wound. She is determined to give her family “the perfect Christmas” (or else) so they can reconnect and become closer together the way it used to be. We see her husband is overworked by his bully of a boss who has been making his and all of his coworkers miserable since his divorce. “It’s like I’m working for Scrooge, but instead of 3 fun ghosts, he’s just haunted by regret.” Their son is struggling in a new school and feels like an outsider. Emily’s relationship with her daughter though is the most troubled. Nina has dreams of being a singer and going away to a performing arts school. Emily discounts her dream and insists she go to the university close to home and study for a more practical career.

Emily gets to the office and and her assistant is watching the famous  and beloved series of Sugarplum Christmas movies. Sugarplum saves a bakery, Sugarplum meets a secret holiday Prince, etc. They have a long conversation over the rules of Christmas movies, as seen on the “Harmony Home Network”, where following these rules will always result in a perfect Christmas for the cast of characters. Later that evening, Emily wishes on one of her mother’s old ornaments, a Christmas star, for the perfect Christmas to make her family happy and create special memories like her mother did for her. Christmas Magic happens and Sugarplum herself appears, a little discombobulated over being sucked out of her perfect Christmas movie world and into the real one, where she assumes things will work just as smoothly as she is used to. And at first, it does! Everything goes according to the rules in her very thick Christmas rule book (which she pulls out of her bottomless purse where all of her fashionable coats and matching accessories also live.)

**Spoilers**

She replaces the artificial tree with the perfect real one, which she cuts down herself from Emily’s grinchy neighbor’s yard. She uses a magic snow globe to cause a snowfall inside the son’s school which proves very popular with the students and helps him bond with his classmates. She solves a dispute between one of Emily’s clients, the owner of an old ski lodge/Christmas tree farm and a developer who wants to knock it down and put up a resort. Sugarplum takes one look at the couple (played by Fiona Gubelman and Victor Webster, Hallmark regulars in amusing cameo performances) and knows they are destined to fall in love and come to a compromise solution on their own. And they do! Right before our eyes! Lots of other stuff happens, and Emily is well on her way to her “perfect” Christmas. Except her family is still disconnected and stressed out.

But then things start to go awry for poor Sugarplum and Emily. Sugarplum meets a handsome man by an elevator (another cameo-this time by Carlo Marks) and romance beckons, as it does when elevators are involved in Rom-Coms. Until he serves her with a summons for criminal trespass (the Christmas tree incident). The rapprochement between Emily’s  client and the developer turns out to be nothing but a ruse to get her to sell her land to him. And finally, Sugarplum is thrown in jail for starting the snowstorm and snow ball fight in the school lobby and causing damage to government property. Also, the police are very suspicious because “Sue Garplum” doesn’t exist according to the internet and she might be a terrorist(?) because her fingerprints all look like snowflakes. Apparently Sugarplum’s Christmas magic is fading due to all of the heavy lifting needed bringing magic to the real world. It’s just getting worn out. Can anything revive it? Hmmm. I wonder. Maybe Emily learning the true spirit of Christmas? In the meantime, it’s a good thing she is a lawyer.

After a slow start, this turned out to be one of the most entertaining, funny, and clever of  2024’s Christmas movies. At first, Janel Parrish as Sugarplum seemed too over the top cheerful and perky. She was getting on my nerves and I was getting antsy. Emily’s blindness to what would truly make a warm and wonderful family Christmas was frustrating. She confides that her favorite childhood memory with her late mother was the Christmas all of their presents were stolen, the tree caught on fire, and they ended up spending Christmas day in a motel. But it was great because they were together! She won’t listen to her own words! Her assistant, seeing Emily’s holiday stress, advises her to quit chasing perfection and live in the moment.  Emily cynically tells her she sounds like a Christmas movie and discounts that advice, which turns out to be the lesson of the whole movie. But then things got great.  I think it all turned around for me when Emily, fully invested in Sugarplum’s magic, makes gingerbread cookies even though she doesn’t have any ginger. But that doesn’t matter because in Christmas movies all cookies are delicious and perfect even if they don’t have all the ingredients! “I didn’t have any ginger so I just threw in a whole bottle of gin!”,  she boasts. Luckily, Sugarplum “couldn’t drink another bite.” because last thing we need is a drunk Sugarplum.

Being a Hallmark movie, Emily finally gets the message, the faded magic returns, and everything comes together for her and her loved ones in all phases of their lives. But it’s all about the journey to the inevitable happy ending, isn’t it? For Emily’s family, all is resolved very poignantly at the school Christmas Pageant starring Emily’s singing daughter.  But there’s more! The final scenes back home, with some unexpected visitors, were funny, surprising, and are what really tied the bow on top of this almost perfect gift of a movie.  Right down to the kiss under the mistletoe.

All of the actors in this did well but Maggie Lawson and Brendan Zub were perfectly cast and I was glad to see them again as Hallmark leads after such a long time. Kyra Leroux was also as stand out as Emily’s rightly resentful and talented daughter. The imperfections in her singing at the beginning turned out to be perfect in the end, reflecting the moral of the story. This movie was a solid 8 1/2 or 9 but those last scenes were just so fun.

Rating: 10 out of 10.

Tis the Season to be Irish

Flip Flop

This movie I had major problems with. The actors were fine. The male lead was very attractive and I liked Fiona Gubelmann better than I thought I would. It was beautifully filmed and the Irish scenery was lovely and evocative. The plot was standard stuff that could go either way between a fairly decent movie or a disaster depending on the details. This was not a disaster, but full of distracting headscratchers that pushed the needle close to disaster territory. The basic plot on which all hangs is Rose (Fiona) going to Ireland to flip a house she bought on a whim on the internet. She is a successful real estate investor and designer and who enjoys her freedom and lack of roots. She meets Sean, the handsome and sexy real estate agent/possibly mayor/most eligible bachelor/official preserver of historical cottages/anti-flipping police. Handsome and sexy he might be, but despite his banter and jokes, one senses a certain complicated mysterious darkness there. Of course he is the love interest. Fiona sets about restoring the house, bumping heads with Sean about every improvement she wants to make. Seemed like a pretty standard issue Hallmark plot, but whoever wrote this seemed determined to bewilder and perplex.

First off, Sean was clearly meant to be an admittedly rough diamond: Outwardly hard to get along with but with a heart of goo. (He has a nice mother, who welcomes Fiona with open arms for one thing.) But what about his sleazy sales tactics? Fiona based her purchase on a photo of the cottage which was charming if spartan by the sea with wonderful views. When she gets to Ireland, it turns out the pictures are several years old and the cottage is literally falling apart with tarps over the roof, water damage, falling beams, boarded up windows, with outdoor refuse everywhere inside as well as out. It was shabby behavior and false advertising. And sorry, I didn’t buy his smirking excuses: I told you to read the fine print, I told you not to buy it, etc. He claims the property itself is worth 3 times what she paid for the house. Which doesn’t do her any good because he would never sign off on demolition of such a historical hovel treasure so a buyer could start from scratch. What a weasel. Such unethical behavior on the part of a Hallmark hero is a first. I think I can say without qualification that his “Ma” would not approve. This is behavior typical of the “bad boyfriend,” our heroine gives the heave-ho to, not the good guy.

And why did a successful savvy professional house buyer purchase a cottage 5000 pounds over the asking price in another country sight unseen without reading the fine print anyway?

Even though he sold her a bill of goods by despicable means, he compounded his duplicity by refusing to work with her to make the property sellable. He wouldn’t even approve her paint colors. He apparently relents a bit behind the scenes.

And what about that renovation? We have a scene of her working like a dog for what could have been days or could have been weeks or could have been 1 day, trying to make the place habitable. It is in such bad shape she has to stay at a local inn for her own safety.  She is literally sweeping bushes out of the main room and scraping mold off the walls one day and the next she is living there. With no heat, electricity, or running water by the way. It is still a wreck on the outside but in a matter of anywhere from a day to a week it is completed inside and out complete with red trim around the (newly installed) windows, flowers in the window boxes, furniture, art, and a fully decorated Christmas Tree. The timeline is very vague to say the least, but one day Rose goes to Sean’s nice mother’s house for dinner with tarps still on her roof and boarded up holes where the windows are supposed to be, and is given a mince pie. The next scene the house is beautifully restored. It could only have been a day or two because when she next meets the mother again, “Ma” asks her how she liked the pies.

While staying at the picturesque hotel, she develops friendships with two other women. One woman’s story is fairly well developed with a beginning, a middle, and an end. But the other younger woman is just tagging along for the ride, which would be OK except that she drops the bombshell that she is actually a famous pop star (“a legend”, no less) hiding out from “the fame”. Can we have her movie please? Why drop an intriguing hook like that and just do nothing else with it? Oh, and by the way, when she first meets Rose she tells her that she is also in the midst of having her cottage renovated and she expects it to take 18 months. That’s months, not weeks. See above where Rose has hers completely renovated in the blink of an eye and with no hint of an actual worker coming near the place.

She puts the house up for sale asking the same price she paid despite all the money she must have plowed into it. Not surprisingly, she finds a buyer for the now charming little house right away who plans to gut it and flip it. Rose is very disconcerted. When she tattles on the buyers to Sean, he has no problems with those plans-talk about flipping. Suspicious much?

Throughout the movie, Sean and Rose are flirting, bantering, and falling for each other. They also have some serious talks about how damaged they are by their so-called tragic pasts. When they go on a solitary picnic she leans in for a kiss, surprising me because Hallmark Heroines rarely make the first move, and he recoils from her like she suddenly developed scales or a pig snout! I guess he was as surprised as I was over such behavior. After no explanation, other than “Sorry”, he gives her a bro-hug. I mean…I get that the vulnerable soul probably didn’t want to get sexually involved with a transient who would soon be moving on. He has been single for years to avoid another heartbreak. But the only previous heartbreak we know of was when he broke up with his childhood girlfriend after college. That must have been at least 15 years ago and it was a mutual parting of ways because she didn’t want to move back to the village. It was very fishy.  Red flags aplenty with this guy.

Rose is portrayed as emotionally damaged as well which is why she won’t settle down and put down roots. But I just didn’t buy it. Something about guilt that her mother had to give up her love of travel to be her mother? Neither of the protags supposed issues keeping them from being together really made any sense to me.

Anyway, despite Rose planning to move to Scotland after buying another house sight unseen and behind the scenes, she decides not to sell her Irish cottage. There is a lot of “behind the scenes” going on in this movie. Triggered by digging out her old photo of her mother and wondering where it was taken, she changes her mind and decides home is Sean, not a place, and as long as they are together they will be home. Being alone is the trap, not having a home. No more info about the old photo or where it was taken. It is up in the air whether they are going to Scotland or staying in the village though.

They seal the deal by taking the traditional Christmas plunge into the Northern Sea together. Fully clothed in their sweaters and coats. Which is the last scene and my last “What the Heck?!” moment of many not mentioned.

Rating: 5 out of 10.